Double Whamy

I am SUCH a bad liar when it comes to myself. I can lie about anything and everything and give quite a convincing argument that will have you believing the sky is yellow not blue, and the ocean is filled with dragons. But when it comes to myself? No dice. "I don't understand," you say? Well, the last post I wrote has been embellished and fictionalized for the sole purpose of making me feel better. Yup! I'm trying to rewrite the past...with little to no luck. If it had done its job of making me feel better, I wouldn't be writing this now.

Yes, I had dinner with The Artist last night, and it was nice and a pleasant surprise at how easy and fun the night was. Only, half of the evening had me drowning my sorrows in that wine because he told me that he started dating somebody he really REALLY has a thing for. And to make it better? I know her...quite well, actually.

Everything I said about our conversations and chemistry is true...the kiss even happened, too. But that is why I embellished to make myself feel better. It totally left me wanting more and NOT ok with the way things are. He's a tease, and I know that. Yet I still follow him like a puppy because his kisses are so toe-curling. And I might be quite dense when it comes to boys. This we know.

We both left last night sexually frustrated, but he refused to give in to it on the chance that things with this new girl (who he's only been on 1 date with) go well. As I so aptly pointed out, they aren't even technically dating, they have just been on a date. We went back and forth on it, fighting the urge to just give in and let ourselves have our fun until finally I did stop it and tell him he had to leave at that moment if he was serious about the girl.

So he left.

Yeah, no Cheshire Cat smile for me...instead it had me tearing up because knowing I've still got it didn't help me feel any better with the rejection, which then in turn had me really wondering if I indeed 'still had it.'

And to top it all off, "Steve" called me this morning with more woes of his relationship. Except this time he actually started off the conversation with, "I'm sorry to keep unloading on you, but..." as if that would make me feel any better about it.

I'm not feeling the whole "it's Wednesday" thing. Wednesday sucks.