When I was growing up and started to date and view boys as more than just cootie-carriers, it was very important for the adults around me to drill into my head that regardless of the boy and circumstance, if you tell him "no," then "no" means "no!" To this day, I still firmly hold this mantra in my mind. If you are with someone, and things start to get prickly, it is completely OK to change your mind about the situation; regardless if you are male or female. It is your right to stop with anything you are uncomfortable with. Sometimes, however, there is the unfortunate situation where the power of "NO" is taken away from us. And then where do you find yourself?!

Sis and I, and another who we’ll call Frank, got into a pretty bad argument over the weekend, and it ended up being a downer for everyone. It was over an occurrence where I had my power of "NO" taken away from me. I was extremely upset and made it known. Everyone was telling me to lighten up; that it was just a joke and that only infuriated me more. (I should mention at this point in time that the offense was done after I specifically and clearly said "don't even think about it," therefore making it premeditated and done purely for the fact that I did said "no.") And Frank refused to apologize, believing that he did nothing wrong and only stated that I was manipulating everyone around me to feel sorry for me like his brother's wife does. I'm starting to think that maybe his brother's wife is falsely shone in a negative light...

In a recent post on a blog I read regularly, statistics and information were given by the author due to experiences and circumstances that she was aware of, either personally or through friends of hers. To quote quickly: "Over her lifetime, one in four women will be the victim of sexual assault. One in four of those will be assaulted by a total stranger.” I am part of those statistics, being one in four women. It was by someone I loved and trusted dearly, and never had a second thought about my safety from/with him. Up until this point in time not very many people knew because like the definition states: I felt ashamed.

Sexual Assault is defined by dictionary.com as: "Conduct of a sexual or indecent nature toward another person that is accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering." This is nothing to joke about. It is a serious and ugly thing. It does something to you, inside of you, twists you, and never leaves you the same again. Since that time it was a long, difficult road to be able to trust the men in my life again, friends and family alike. I don't know if it was the lesser or worse of two evils that it was someone I knew, and I do pray to God that I never find out.

These years later, I thought I was over my fears and insecurities of the men around me. The last time a guy laid an unwelcome/unwanted hand on me, also after warning him "no," I literally dropped him to the ground (for those that don’t know, I am not a petite gal. I’m 5’ 8”+ and go to the gym regularly). Granted, that guy was in my weight class, but it still had me feeling good about being able to defend myself and show that I'm not a helpless female.

However, Frank is way far out of my weight class, and had me realizing that if there is an unfortunate next time, the person might not be in my weight class, and able to render me helpless. It had me shaken, upset, and feeling right back to where I was; unable to trust a person who was supposed to be looking out for me.

I try not to live my life in fear and suspicion, and I am only too glad that my sister is fortunate enough to be unable to understand why the whole episode upset me so much. I am genuinely happy for anyone who can’t understand why this whole thing was so upsetting. You are lucky and fortunate to never know that fear, the shame, the uncertainty of whether any part was your fault, because all you did was say ‘no.’ But I also don’t believe that a person needs to know every nitty-gritty detail about your life to decide on whether to respect the boundaries you put in place.

I’ve been working on this post since first thing this morning, and since then Frank has called and left me a voice-mail apology. I’m not really sure where that leaves him and me, though. I don’t know if he’s apologizing because he just wants to be back in my sister’s good graces, or if he actually recognizes that what he did was wrong. Knowing him like I do, it’s probably the former. But now do I stick to my convictions and try and force him to see the latent disrespect he spews forth, thanking him every time I see him for the bruises he’s given me to remember him always by? (yes, you hint sarcasm) Or do I let it go for my sister’s sake?! I feel that if I do the latter, than I’m not being true to myself and how far I’ve come. Especially since she was one in the group asking me to “lighten up,” which really threw me for a loop and stung.

And I’m hating the fact that I’m feeling like I did something wrong even though I know I didn't.