All The Small Things...

It’s the little things in life that seem to make or break me in the past few years. The huge things that happen, I find are easier to take in stride because they are SO big, how can anything you do possibly change them? But on a smaller scale, it should be the little things in life that we can change. You know; don’t sweat the small stuff?!

This past week, I’ve been staying at my brothers while he’s away. It’s been great for two reasons: 1. kitty love! All the belly rubbing, face smearing I can stand to take from two of the most adorable brother/sister kittens I have ever seen. And 2, it’s gotten me out of my place while Roommie has been doing her thing and moving out. Being in a new place this week has lowered my blood pressure considerably, but the change of scenery and different routine has thrown me off a little bit. I get up at a different time of morning; am greeted with mewling and head-butts; showering in a much nicer bathroom than mine; taking a different route to work in the morning! All wonderfully different in their own right. Small things that have lifted me up!

This morning, however, as I was walking to the subway, I glance down to keep my eyes on the sidewalk. I don’t really know why; it’s the first time I’ve done that in a long time, but I just wanted to. And what did I see? The name of Dutchboy in a heart carved into the pavement, like someone ran a stick through it as the cement was drying. No joke! And for those who know his name, it’s not exactly a common name here OR there. So, of course, I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach; the recognition of something fantastic lost. Small things.

As I walk past it, and down in the subway station I try to shake it off so I pull out my book. Currently, I’m reading a fabulous book (Twilight by Stephanie Meyer). The point I am at in the story is where the awkward teenage girl is spending the afternoon with the ethereal teenage vampire guy. And they are spending the afternoon in the sun (sun killing vampires is a myth in this book), holding hands and talking. And he tells her that the feeling of warmth from her hand is the most amazing thing to him. And I get that sinking feeling again, at something as small and simple as holding someone’s hand. The sense that you’re wanted exactly where you are in my mind is priceless, and I yearn for that. I shouldn’t miss it, because how do you miss something you’ve never had. I have never really had that before with any of the guys I’ve dated, but as I get older I am appreciating the small things in life, like holding someone’s hand. Small things.
I head back to my place tomorrow night to take in damage control of the state my apartment was left in after the move. I know what it looked like before hand, so I have little hope. But I do plan on closing all the blinds in the living room, open up a really expensive bottle of wine, and then drink it in entirety while sitting on my couch…in my underwear. Small things.