Baking Fiasco!

I've had a difficult time getting into the Christmas Spirit this year. It's the first year ever that I didn't put up a tree or decorate for the season. Plus, there haven't been any parties (sans one bar night). My sister, who's usually calling me every day for a week or two before a holiday, hasn't been calling. And my brother is in St. Louis for Christmas, too. Everything feels off and unsettled.

Yesterday, I received my first present of the holiday. Someone at work who I've been becoming friends with bought me a CD of Christmas music. It was sweet because he remembered me saying how I have no holiday music, and he thought it would be funny to buy me a CD with Run-D-M-C's "Christmas in Hollis" on it since I live two towns away from Hollis, Queens. Upon receipt of the gift, I immediately uploaded it into my computer and listened all day long, trying to force the spirit of Christmas into my being...sadly, no luck.

Late afternoon, my mom calls and asks if I can bake my infamous Christmas cookies to bring to my grandmother's house on Christmas Eve. This recipe is one that I've been baking for years, and I mean YEARS! I know it backwards and forwards, and this year I even got my own cookie press which I have been so excited to break out and use. So, I go home last night, with every intention and belief that if I bake Christmas Cookies, for sure that would put me in the spirit of things...

...not so much.

I screwed up the recipe adding way too much of one ingredient, and the cookie press didn't work so well. So, now I have all these deformed Christmas cookies that look like blobs of nothing instead of trees and wreaths. I nearly broke down and cried when it wasn't working, resolved that nothing is going right this year.

I know it's been a rough year for me, but I also know how lucky I am to have the friends and family I have, to be on the path to getting healthy again, to have a job even if I don't enjoy it, and to be able to live a self-sustaining life. I know all these things in my heart of hearts, and yet still no dice on being merry, cheery and happy for the holidays. I'm hoping that heading out to my parent's tomorrow, where the house is all decked out and the tree is decorated, will jump-start my merriness and all that.

I am optimistic, and just have to get through one last boring day at work before I can officially start my holiday weekend!