Making the Grade

As a student I have always been a very good test taker. Except for taking the LSAT's, I've never been nervous about sitting at a desk for a prolonged period of standardized agony. But sometimes there are other tests, tests in life, that aren't always so easy to pass. Even when presented with these tests and challenges, one's nerve can slip and it's all downhill from there. These types of tests I haven't always been good at taking...and therefore not always passing. These are the types of tests I usually find myself starring at life choice (a) or life choice (b) and then wincing as I fill in the proverbial scantron with my answer, praying and hoping that it's the right choice.

Life is so great right now, I can't even express! I'm finally learning how to be happy for myself, by myself without the need or reliance on another person. So of course when things are on the up-and-up, and my guard is down, I am presented with a test. A situation to test my ability in either choosing (a) or (b) and to know the right answer and pass.

Yesterday afternoon, I received an email from somebody I literally thought I would never hear from again. The Boy. The Boy that I dated for most of last year, an 8 month relationship that just ended because things went sour and I never heard from him again. There was never an explanation. No break-up talk. Just one last "Merry Christmas, babe" text message and then nothing.

Until yesterday.

The culprit email simply said: "hi"

As I starred at my computer screen in horror, not knowing how I should feel, my fingers took on a life of their own and replied with three simple characters: hi?

Thus ensued a very short email conversation that ended with me responding to his 'I guess I kinda miss you' with "Well you have nobody to blame for that but yourself. You really hurt me. Please just leave me alone."

This was followed up by a thirty minute conversation with my sister, lots of "what the fucks?" in my head, and finally a thirty minute walk outside in the gorgeous weather to clear my mind and aching heart.

At first I thought I was so upset because I still had strong feelings for him, and that just made me angry because why should I. He certainly didn't deserve any from me. Once I settled a bit and really thought about it, I was glad to discover that while I still feel a little something, it's more of a feeling of wanting companionship and the not knowing what had happened to end 'us' those three months ago. I was more angry than sad because he had interrupted my happiness with this situation of ugliness. How dare he?! After all this time, if he really missed me and wanted to try another go at us, he should have called or just showed up as my good friend Kevin advised. Kevin and I decided that this was probably all a lame attempt at a booty call, and thus ensuring that The Boy will NEVER again be a part of my life!

I woke up this morning feel so great that I was able to find some closure within myself and to know with certainty that I don't need him. Talk about your Spring Cleaning!