Screaming Infidelities

"Steve" and I have been chatting again lately. We go through bouts where life is so busy, we might not talk for a few weeks, but then we'll talk almost every day other times of the month. I've caught him up on the latest bit of drama that happened last week with The Boy. It was nice that for once I was the one venting and having issues, and he was the one listening and consoling. It reminded me of why I care for him so much and so deeply. He's got a way that I just can't help but love.

Friday night we chatted while I was driving out to Long Island and he was in Rhode Island for a convention. He was telling me of everything he was looking at as he was strolling down the high street in Providence. The people walking to and from dinner, the window shoppers, and even the elderly couple that was walking hand in hand. He described every little detail I could see it so clearly with my mind's eye as if I were really there, and he continued by saying how he wished I were there to share the gorgeous night with him, walking under the stars. It was so incredibly sweet and romantic. Then the usual split personality of emotions set in...the longing for something so long desired, but also the regret of knowing it wasn't going to happen.

Even if at this point "Steve" were to break up with his girlfriend, I'm not sure I could be with him. I know he is so confused of what he wants, its written plain as day in his eyes every time I see him. And I would have to be 100% sure that the break up would have happened because they failed and not because he wants to be with me. But even if I knew that, I still don't know if I could do it with a clear conscience, knowing that our interaction might have been any slight root of his failed relationship.

On the other hand, he's the one calling me and being all romantic with me instead of his girlfriend. Is that enough evidence that he cares for me? Would rather be with me? Thinks of me on those lonely nights instead of her?

Though nothing physical has happened between "Steve" and I since they have been dating, sometimes I feel like our conversations and time spent together are more intimate than anything physical we could ever share, or even more than what I know they share. Is it not considered cheating because we haven't physically acted upon anything? Or is the mere intent and interest in one another on such an intimate emotional and psychological level more cause to wear that scarlet letter of infidelity than anything physical could ever evidence?