Still Riding

Like being on a broomstick into the night.

Not only am I down, but I'm starting to be down-right surly. Not to my friends or family, but to perfect strangers! I find any piddling reason in which a random person has wronged me, just so then I would have a legitimate reason for being down and tragically woebegone.

~They aren't walking fast enough!
~They brush up against me!
~They look at me the wrong way.
~They're taking up two seats on the LIRR and instead of just asking to sit I just stand there, scoff at them and give them the stink-eye.

Tonight is my first night of 16 glorious nights and days to myself as Roommie is on her way to Ireland! I am looking forward to being able to tear the apartment apart to do a thorough cleaning, starting tonight! And then tomorrow morning I'm getting my hair hacked off! And I've already done the dye-thing Tuesday night. So, I'm hoping that this sense of change, cleaning and purging will help me to at the very least take my mind off of whatever is subconsciously fucking up my zen!

Blew, Blue, and Bloo!

I have a case of the blues, and its perpetuating itself. I haven't been this down in a while, and I'm not really sure of the cause...and that is causing me to be more down.

I shouldn't feel down, really. Things are great! I have a guy who told me I'm the only one for him. I have friends that I have never felt closer to. A job I love and enjoy (even if it's only a part time thing...for now). And the Christmas season is starting, and I love all of the cheesy Christmassy things that happen this time of year!

What the fuck!?

-PMS? No, that this time of the month...
-Bad weather outside? Not even close. Even if it were raining, we both know that would only cheer me up.
-Having a cold for over a week now? Nah, because at least now I can breath through my nose at night to sleep
-Missing said guy who told me I'm the only one for him? Of course, but that's nothing new for the past five months.
-Reading a boring book? Nope! On an oldie but goodie.

Hell, I even got to play a beautiful Baldwin Baby Grand piano last night for two solid hours! That should do nothing but cheer me up! And, Roommie leaves for Ireland on Friday, which means I have the place to myself for TWO SOLID WEEKS!!!! Woot! Woot!

It really is a mystery. Even with writing this entry and reminding myself of all the reasons why I shouldn't be down doesn't help me kick the feeling. Guess I just need to ride it out.

Fat and Happy!

One 18 lb. turkey: free with $100 grocery purchase

The fixings to make the infamous cran/apple stuffing: $18.62

Two Buck Chuck wine: really $3/bottle

Watching your parents fight over who gets to pick at the turkey while it's waiting to be carved: priceless!


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Dinner is done. The dishes are done. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Everyone is now just kind of putsing around, wondering if we're going to be able to fit dessert in our already more than full bellies. And my original cran/apple stuffing went over like white on rice! Here's the recipe for future use (in classic Italian measurements):

4 Granny Smith Apples
2 Decent sized Vidalia Onions
2 little plastic cartons of fresh Cranberries
Apple Juice
Breadcrumbs

Chop onions and apples
In skillet on stove top cook down onions, apples and whole cranberries in olive oil or butter. Once all is tender, turn heat down to low and stir in breadcrumbs until desired "stuffing" consistency is achieved. Add apple juice as needed to keep moistness in stuffing. Do not be alarmed that stuffing will turn pinkish due to cranberry juice.

If you are not stuffing your bird, put in oven to brown and serve piping hot!

Bon Apetit!

Crazed and Loving It!

It's the day before Thanksgiving and there is SO much going on. Seriously, I don't even know where to begin!! The past couple of weeks have seen MUCH to much working hours, great time spent with friends and a quiet apartment since Roommie has been away on a few of her gallivants. And things don't look to be slowing down for at least another week.

Work at the wine shop has been great and reminds me of how much I really miss working in an environment like this. Holidays were always such a busy time at the florist, but that's what I loved the best. Working myself down to be dead tired had never given me such a great satisfaction! The interaction with the customers, high energy craziness in general and working with a fun group of people! MUCH better than sitting behind a desk and looking at an Excel Spreadsheet all day long.

And my Holland Connection is finally home from his business trip, so our communication has resumed. *Squee!* I also told my sister that I'd be bringing my Skype headset with me to her house this coming weekend so he and I can chat. I do so miss the sound of his voice! And it's kind of funny because with the lack of communication and connection he and I have had over the past week or so, it's made me realize more and more how right I feel towards him. Yes I miss him, but I'm not obsessing over him (like my normal thing to do). I'm enjoying the feeling of knowing that he's thinking of me, too, but yet we can still lead our own lives...something that I have come to realize is very important in relationships.

I've also been helping Bubbles go through some stuff lately. She seems so angry at the world these days, and my heart bleeds and goes out to her. I know holidays aren't easy on her since her father died and her relationship with her mother has deteriorated. And I always try and be there for her as much as I can. But lately, with the holiday season AND lots of boy drama, she seems to be in rougher shape than usual. I wish nothing more for her than to just take it all away from her so she can be happy. I even told her she should ditch her holiday plans and come with me to my sister's for the weekend.

Then there's my brother. He and I are traveling to Jess's together for the holiday. I always have so much fun hanging out with him. Things weren't always so easy between us, but I do believe that we are both trying to find our balance as siblings and friends. The last time we took a road trip together we talked about a lot of things and I shared some things with him that he never knew about me before. It felt good to tell him and share that part of myself with him, knowing that it was only for him and nobody else. So I am very much looking forward to this trip, too. I am looking forward to the whole weekend actually, but I am afraid of something going south. My brother and father have seeing eye to eye less and less these days, and it causes strain and tension for everyone. For me, it's easy to see both sides of the coin when something comes up...not to take sides necessarily, but at the very least to understand where each is coming from. It's frustrating because at the holidays, all you want is just for your family to get along and have a good time! I am hoping that he sticks around this weekend to enjoy the time with family because I hardly see him and miss him terribly.

Now, if only he would just call me to let me know what time we're getting on the road...

If I don't post, have the Happiest of Thanksgivings!!

Sick in the Head

I? Am almost done with my Christmas shopping!

Out of the 21 people I need to shop for, I have only 7.5 left. And of those, I don't know what to get only 2 of them.

I am SO on a roll...figuratively. I promise you I'm not sitting on bread.

The "L" Word

It has finally happened. I have allowed myself to feel this incredible emotion, AND admit it to myself. And you know what? It's terrifying and freaking me out!

I know I can live without him, but I don't want to. And there in lies the difference. He doesn't "complete" me because no other person can do that for me. I need to do that for myself. But rather he complements me.

And the realization of this all fills my heart so incredibly much that it just might break anyways.

Here's the latest song I've been obsessing over:

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under covers stayin' dry and warm
You give me feelin's that I adore

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmmmmmmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

I’ve been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin' shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go…

"Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat

Just General "Ugh-ness"

It's been a solid four months since I heard a peep from "The Boy" who kept trying to hang out. Yes, it's been practically a year since the infamous 'he just never called me back.' And for some reason, I still can't seem to shake him. Even with telling him I'm now seeing someone (which is actually kinda-sorta true!) (elaboration on my Holland Connection another time). But today, he's at it yet again.

The contact? He emailed me at work. I didn't see it right away because I set up my Outlook so anything from him would flow into my "Junk Mail" box. But when I finally did see it? The subject line read: awwwww! And the email only consisted of a photo of me from 2 years ago at his stupid "white" party when I wasn't even dating him yet! Have I mentioned how I have also re-saved his name in my cell phone under a different name? That way, if he ever does try calling me again, I recognize him so I know not to answer, but being that it's now under "The Boy: P.O.S." I get a chuckle!

Oh yeah, and that email?

"Delete!"

He really is a fucking Piece Of Shit! And I feel better! :)

Unnecessary Sharing!

Gorging. On chocolate.

Heaven and bliss!

And I feel NO guilt about it whatsoever! Why?

Because I'm in what a friend calls my C-cup week!

Oh, blessed left-over chocolate from people who were way too prepared for the plethora of trick-or-treaters yesterday!