A Few Of My Favorite Things

~ New socks, fresh out of the package
~ The smell of freshly cut grass
~ The sound of a child's laugh
~ Thunderstorms and Rainstorms
~ Fresh snow-angels
~ Eskimo kisses
~ Receiving real mail, and not junk mail
~ The quiet after the snow
~ The smell of leather
~ Candle-light picnics on a living room floor
~ Pay Day!
~ Mac 'n Cheese
~ Late night text messages
~ Reading on a rainy day
~ Finding the perfect pair of shoes...on sale!!
~ Writing music
~ People watching
~ Favorite song coming on next on the i-pod
~ Inside jokes with myself
~ Girl's Night out
~ Meeting new people
~ Finding just enough ice-cream left for me!

Diner Love

How many times have you ever sat in a diner by yourself reading a book, or a paper with a cup of coffee? Or how many times have you made the late night, early morning drunken visit to the diner with your friends? Or even meet up for breakfast or brunch to catch up and chat the morning away with those you haven't seen in a while?!

The all-American Diner is a great establishment for many. It serves at the locale for so many different types of needs and occasions. For me, it's the place of comfort...comfort food, comfort company, comfort solitude. I have no problem waking up on a Sunday morning and heading to the diner where I can enjoy my two eggs, over-easy, with home fries, wheat toast and a side of bacon...and keep the coffee coming! All while reading the morning paper and doing some quality people-watching!

I think we all have "our diner" that we go to...that if we really think about it, has seen so many memories of ours. Good times, and bad times. Much laughter and sometimes tears. For myself, when I moved to Queens, it was hard for me to feel that sense of belonging to the diner of the area, but over time, the relationship was forged. Two years later, I think I have even come to take it for granted a little bit, and had a reminder this weekend of what exactly that important relationship between me and my diner means to me.

Yesterday morning, Wangie and I were meeting for breakfast. Since she was coming from Long Island, and I from Queens, we picked a diner that was pretty much in between the two of us. One that we've both been to on a few occasions since she works in that area and I used to go to college in that area. Well, I have never felt so unlike a 'regular' in my life. The service was so unattentive AND rude, we were brought the check without being asked if we needed anything else. And in the end, we were told to leave. We weren't being loud or obnoxious. We were just having breakfast and catching up. Feeling so disgusted and unwelcome, I even toyed with the idea of walking out on the bill, but my nicer side that is obviously looking out for my karma decided against that. So, having exchanged a few, sharp words with our waiter and one of the managers, we got up, paid the bill, left no tip and left.

So, dear diner, I apologize for cheating on you with a lesser and unworthy establishment! Never again will I doubt what you mean to me and all that we've shared! The experience left me feeling dirty and shunned, and let that be a lesson to me!

From Across The Table

She was feeling so out of sorts, like she didn't belong. True, it was the company's post-holiday holiday party, but she was still feeling misplaced. After five months with a new job and company, she still didn't have a sense of place within the company, much less the department. The plus side was that the food and drinks were free! Hello Bartender!

She didn't necessarily cling to her boss, but that was the only familiar face in a sea of suits. Grabbing a glass of wine from the bar, she decided to try the 'mingle' thing. By nature, she isn't shy, but when feeling out of her element, she needs a little more encouragement than normal. As she started to make the rounds, she recognized some people from the editorial staff, but felt awkward going to talk to them since they were about to be laid-off. What does one say to someone who's about to lose their job? Been nice knowing you? Good luck with that? Not so much. Moving on...

Oh look, there's some people from the marketing and promotions department...she went to say hello, but quickly realized there was no more room at their table and they weren't about to make room. Nod, wave, and moving on...

The one cool thing she realized about the post-holiday holiday party was that the location had pool tables and table tennis (yes, ping-pong). She decided to meander over that way and check it out, to watch the display of humiliation that people were putting themselves through. And then she saw them...

The most beautiful pair of blue eyes staring back at her from across the room. She felt herself getting lost in them, swimming in them. And when she started to focus on the person who these eyes belonged to, she saw a charming smile to match them. He was engaged in a conversation, but that didn't stop him from seeing her smile as well. She stood there, forgetting where she was for a moment, drinking her Jack-Sour, and watching him watch her. He quickly disengaged himself from his conversation and made his way towards her as her heart beat against the inside of her chest. Those eyes, she thought to herself, they are coming my way! "Hi, I'm Mike," he said. He flashed that smile, and offered his hand. Taking it, feeling the strength in it, she replied, "I know." He gave a quizzical look, and she tapped his silly name tag...one that they were all given as they arrived. His smile came easy again, and then he looked down at hers and said, "So I guess that would make you Carolyn, (he leaned in a little) unless you really just wanted to be 'Carolyn' today?" And again that smile, that went all the way up to meet those eyes. It was impossible not to return it.

From there, they chatted a little about what they did in the company, the usual small talk. They had never met before because they work on two different floors in the building. She didn't learn too much about him personally, but that was OK with her. She really wasn't looking to learn anything, just looking to spend some time staring into those eyes.

And then some time later it was time for her to go. She had a train to catch. She said her good-byes to him. He held out his hand again, and again she took it, lingering longer than was 'corporately appropriate' but he didn't seem to mind, and was almost as reluctant as she was to let go and break that connection. But let go she did, because she had that train to catch.

As she left, she looked back over her shoulder and saw him smile at her, with those gorgeous blue eyes watching her leave, from across the table.

Nothing Left to Lose

Every now and then, I'll come across a song that I really enjoy. It'll just strike my fancy in a way that many songs can't these days. That's not to say I don't like a lot of music that is out there, but most of it is very surfacey, as I call it. There's no depth to the lyrics. It's like much of the music out there is cookie-cutter songs, just meant to entertain and not make you think...which is all well and good. I'm not knocking it. I'm just appreciating more and more the music that makes me think.

One such song that I've been humming for the past week or so (Roomie is about to strangle me I think), is Nothing Left to Lose by Mat Kearney. He's a new up-and-coming artist, with a song already being used for Grey's Anatomy. I think the lyrics speak to me because of the journey I've taken this past year...some of it by choice, and some of it not so much by choice. I think that there becomes a time in your life where you've done so much, and experienced so much, that there really isn't much left to choose or lose, as the song indicates. I don't feel I've reached that by any means, but I do feel that I've left a certain era and period of my life that I can't ever go back to. So much can change a person in such a short amount of time.

Something's in the air tonight
The sky's alive with a burning light
You can mark my words something's about to break

And I found myself in a bitter fight
While I've held your hand through the darkest night
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon

To a kid from Oregon by way of California
All of this is more than I've ever known or seen

Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us
Come on and we'll try, one last time
I'm off the floor one more time to find you
And here we go there's nothing left to choose
And here we go there's nothing left to lose

So I packed my car and I headed east
Where I felt your fire and a sweet release
There's a fire in these hills that's coming down
And I don't know much but I found you here
And I can not wait another year
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon

To a kid from Oregon by way of California
All of this is more than I've ever known or seen

Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us
Come on and we'll try, one last time
I'm off the floor one more time to find you
And here we go there's nothing left to choose
And here we go there's nothing left to lose

I can still hear the trains out my window
From Hobart Street to here in Nashville
I can still smell the pomegranates grow
And I don't know how hard this wind will blow
Or where we'll go

Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us
Come on and we'll try, one last time
I'm off the floor one more time to find you
And here we go there's nothing left to choose
And here we go there's nothing left to lose

Midnight Chats

I was away this past weekend (hence no new blogs) with the family in the Poconos. We have been doing the trip every January for the past six years, renting a house from a family friend so we can all go skiing at the near-by mountains...well, they all go skiing. I sit in the lodge and watch their stuff. My skiing debacle is a story for another time.

Usually I have a great time this weekend, and I was really looking forward to it this year since I didn't get much time with the fam at Christmas. Unfortunately, the weekend was a bust due to the actions of a friend I had invited along. So, with it being a disappointment and upset, I was at least able to find one shining moment in it all, though. My midnight chat!

The Artist texted me somewhere around 11:30pm Friday night: "R U Awake?!" An instant way for me to smile, but I was in the middle of playing Cranium with the family (an AWESOME game, btw), so I texted him back "Busy at moment...call u later?" And of course the response was "Absolutely. Take ur time! :)"

So, with the game over sometime about an hour later, I call him. And we're on the phone for over an hour, talking straight through. No awkward silences, well no silences at all actually! The conversation probably would've been longer if I didn't have to go and waylay my friend. But it was great, the time we did have. We talked about family vacations growing up, his work he has coming up, the wine class I'm taking, music, and more. And over the course of the conversation, he said how I've inspired him to start learning to play the guitar, to start reading books he has always meant to read, and just enjoying things in life a whole lot more in general! He called me his Muse, saying that he hasn't been able to work on a piece in a while and that it was probably due to the fact that we haven't seen each other in a little bit. Definitely a sure-fire way to make a girl go all mushy inside.

But wait...there's more! As if that whole prelude wasn't enough for me, he then turns the conversation towards my conflict of either moving into NYC or back out to Long Island. And the way he phrased it, was to put more emphasis on the "moving back to L.I." part. I told him I still wasn't sure, and that it was probably going to be solved by a big cosmic sign showing me which way I should be going. His pointed advice was a.) that he would love for me to move back to L.I. so we would see each other more often but that I had to ultimately do what I needed for myself, and b.) that while I'm waiting for the big cosmic sign, don't miss the "little signs" that might be passing me by.

What the hell does that mean?! Roomie thinks I should just ask him. I think I actually may take the direct route on this one, especially if it could be a factor in a life decision like where to move! It's definitely food for thought! All I know is that he and I are getting closer and closer, and it's not scaring me anymore. I am actually really fond of the time we spend together, and glad that it doesn't always have to be physical like so many of my other relationships had been. I think that says something important.

And on top of it all, he's making plans. Wasn't that a Grey's Anatomy line about Finn?! He has plans! And you know what?! It does a helluva lot for your emotions when the guys actually plans on sticking around for a while because he likes to spend time and do things with you! The line up: the Rothko exhibit at the Whitney, Rent on Broadway, Tango lessons, sky-diving, and a weekend camping trip in the spring/summer! All great things to look forward to and I'm not wigging out like I usually do about boys. Maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that we've been friends for years?! I'm not sure, but it is definitely important and has helped at least a little. The bottom line is that I'm happy to be able to share my time with someone I genuinely like. What a novelty! (stated sarcastically)

Enough.

When is enough really enough? It's a question that changes with the circumstances, that's for sure.

I have a really close friend that's going through a rough spot with a guy. Really, this isn't hypothetical (for once). She seems to be trapped in this cycle of knowing he's no good for her when she doesn't see him for a while, but then she'll start talking to him and make plans to see him and be all confused again until he does or says something that reminds her that he's no good for her! And to top it all off, she's been through this type of situation before with an ex...haven't we all. There is a reason they are 'exes!'

When she and I first became friends and started getting really close, we'd talk about anything and everything, go for lunches and dinners, see movies and do what friends generally do when they hang out. But for the past two months, every time we hang out, I am a sounding board for all of her troubles and woes about this one guy! In the beginning, I offered her the advice that so many had offered me when I was in this kind of situation. She valued what I had to say and my perspective on things.

But now, two or three months later, I'm still hearing the same story and song. Part of me wonders why she keeps asking what I think when I've been telling her for the past few months...and why does she keep asking if she's not going to take the advice anyway?!

I don't think I would ever be the type of person to "break-up" with a friend, but I miss the actual friendship...the doing stuff, and talking about anything other than a guy whom we both know is treating her like crap. I also don't want to say anything because she obviously feels a close friendship to be able to confide with me. We all need to vent, and I get that. Hell, I have a blog, so I definitely get that! And if I'm the only outlet she has, I can't not be a friend and allow her the outlet she needs.

I'm concerned for her, though, as a friend should be. I'm concerned about herself in this situation and not being able to get herself out of it. I've tried to approach it from many different directions, and still to no avail. Today, I finally told her that she may think she's done with him, but she will definitely know when she's done with him. From my experience, its a similar feeling of 'hitting rock bottom' when you really do just wake up one day and realize, "no, this isn't for me." So, I told her that, and I also mentioned that recent events is just more of the same old, same old, and that she's better than that. I guess she'll only believe that if she believes in herself...which is a horse of a totally different color.

Home, Sweet Home!

This past weekend marked two years being in my apartment. It is the only other home I know outside of the home I grew up in. It has taken a lot of work, paint, spackle, and caulk, but it is a place that I can truly feel at home in. And to mark that passage of time, and sense of 'home,' two things occurred this weekend.

Friday night I made a special trip out to my parent's to finally pick up my keyboard. It was so exciting, and I was up until midnight playing. I always told myself that music and the piano are very important, and that I would always have a piano in any home I had. So, finally bringing a piano into my apartment felt like an affirmation of it being considered a home to me.

Then on Saturday night, I had a little party at my place, as only a little apartment can hold. There were eight of us total, scattered on our couches and floor. It was so great because there were friends there from different circles, and yet it seemed like everyone got along and had a great time! It was a themed party, Taco Night, and it was just a good evening of getting together and having a bunch of laughs and catching up. A few people couldn't make it, which was disappointing, but I don't foresee this being the last party. It just felt so good to have friends come to where you live and enjoy the company and food and conversation. And as my one friend was leaving, she said "I really like your home! It seems just like you, and very well lived in!" That, to me, is a great sense of accomplishment and made me feel really great inside. It has given me something of my own to really take pride in!

Meet Oscar!

I'm coming down to the wire of finishing my frenzy. I did the laundry (and put it all away...shocking, I know!), I've vacuumed my room and the hallway, and everything is now out of the living room except for one last bag of rubbage and the vacuum cleaner for when I vacuum that room as well. I even, finally, put all of my other miscellaneous Christmas gifts in their rightful places. Last night, I even took back to the stores the gifts that needed returning! So, all that's left to do is vacuum the living room and straighten up the kitchen!

Tada! *Applause* *Applause*

So, last night as the Roommate and I were out and about running errands and returning stuff, we stopped off in the pet store to get a replacement fish for the one of hers that had died. (Steve, the beta fish, had a long life of 3+ years and decided to kick it during the week she was on vacation last fall, leaving me with all the guilt in the world!)

But while we were looking at them, I saw this really pretty one and just had to have him! I've never had a beta fish before! And the moment I saw him, I knew his name was Oscar and he had to be mine!

So, meet Oscar! This is the closest picture on the Internet that I could find that looks like him, and it is a striking resemblance! He's a light blue in body, and the fins are this pretty peachy color. And the shape and flow of the fins is really quite elegant! I'm such a proud mama!

Strange Looks

So, this is what I have hanging up in my cubicle. I've gotten varied responses. Some think its cute. Some funny. Some very disturbing. And others just give me strange looks now.

I thought it was funny, and on some mornings highly appropriate! I think of it more as a fair warning than just plain silliness. Hey, we all need to get our kicks where we can find them!

Rubbing Elbows...Stepping Feet

While I was at the museum on Saturday, or really any time I am at any art museum, I always have a bit of nostalgia for when I had my first brush with celebrity!

I was sixteen, and gawky at that, and on a school, art-class trip to the MoMA. I was dutifully studying a Chuck Close, focused in my own little world, when someone backed right up into me, stepping on my Achilles tendon and heel! Disrupted and disturbed, I was in the process of turning around, about to go all "New Yorker" on this punk, when I saw who it was and found myself speechless!

He's been claimed to be one of the most attractive men in the lime-light, and having the charisma and charm to match the dashing good looks only made him all the more attractive. And a camera and television can't possibly do him any justice whatsoever. I felt like I found myself in one of those movies when you look upon an angelic face, its beauty is just so overwhelming, there really seems to be a light shining behind their face and you hear music in the background. I kid you not! Maybe it was just the well-place lighting of the museum, but I will never forget that day.

He turned, reached a hand out to steady my elbow, and apologized so profusely for being so engrossed in the art himself, he too forgot where he was. Suddenly, the two of us became surrounded by a horde of what seemed like giants all dressed in black suits, all asking "sir, are you alright?" It was an exciting, and terrifying moment. He replied, "I'm fine, I'm fine. Just making a public fool of myself with this poor girl." Then he flashed me that brilliant white smile!

Four weeks later, I saw a news clip that he, his wife and his sister-in-law had died in a tragic plane crash as they were heading out to Martha's Vineyard for his cousin's wedding.

And all I kept thinking, as I sat with silent tears, was that mine could have been the last foot that John F. Kennedy, Jr. had ever stepped on!

The Mantra in My Head

Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean!

Still at it, and I have never felt so invigorated! Well, that's probably a lie, but the point is, I've been doing all this physical cleaning, and on Saturday I did some mental cleaning, that I just feel so great about myself, my apartment, and life in general!

Yeah, sick in the head, right?

WRONG!

Since I moved into my apartment two years ago (this coming weekend, actually), my roommate and I have never done a top to bottom, full-out cleaning frenzy. I mean, we keep the place clean, but never like a full blown spring cleaning deal! And, since I've been doing this, I've motivated my roommate to do the same!

Saturday, it was so GORGEOUS. The weather was clear and warm, the sky was blue, and birds were singing...obviously they're flight departure south for the winter has been delayed...and I spent the entire day in NYC with close friends. I met Christina at The Whitney Art museum for breakfast and we went to check out the Picasso exhibit. The Artist and his friend Sue met us there as well. The visit was great, and mentally stimulating. From there, we headed to Chelsea where The Artist was having a piece exhibited in a gallery show. Wangie showed up, which was a great surprise, along with The Artist's brother, brother's fiance, and Sue's boyfriend Moses.

After the show, we all went to dinner at this great Italian place. The food was amazing, the conversation intellectually stimulating, and the time spent with friends cherished. Afterwards, The Artist, myself, Sue and Moses headed out to Long Island (out by where they all live), and headed to a local bar and hung out for a while. All things considered, it was a pretty early night, leaving the bar around midnight, but after being up since 7am, it had felt like I was awake and on my feet for an eternity. So, I crashed at his place, and he cooked me breakfast the next morning. And then we were lazy all morning and early afternoon napping on the couch off and on while watching football! It was the perfect ending to the time spent with him.

I got back to my place around 4pm and continued the cleaning frenzy! I got so much done yesterday, its awesome! And now I have room and space for my brand-spanking new keyboard! I think I'm going to head out to L.I. one night this week to pick it up! I can't WAIT!!! So excited!

Weeeee!!!!

Like a Whirl-Wind

The cleaning rampage is still going strong! I actually passed on dinner and drinks last night with the girls to keep my groove. Wednesday night I attacked a good portion of the living room, organizing all of my books, getting rid of the ones that I have come to realize I will never ever read. Last night, I commenced the first wave of my bedroom: clothing. I went through all of my cloths in the closet and armoire, and filtered out things that I haven't worn in over a year, or old clothing that should be laid to rest and thrown out! Two big black garbage bags and two large shopping bags later (and a full hamper), I think I've pretty much gotten the clothing under control.

Next step: clutter! And dusting.

I bought that amazing Swiffer Duster! It is a god-send, let me tell you! For those that don't like to pick everything up to dust underneath, it really is the most amazing solution for the lazy duster! I rate it with the amazing Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! One of those wonders of household cleaning!

Tonight is a get-together at Moosie's, and I really want to go, but I also want to clean! How crazy is that?! I think my mom would sh*t her pants if she actually heard me say that I wanted to stay home on a Friday night to clean! But I've got such motivation right now, and I am afraid that if I break it, I will lose it. Half the battle is knowing yourself in a situation. And I know I'm going to be out of the house all day tomorrow for The Artist's gallery show in NYC. And Sunday, I really want to try and see McG before her and her boy go to D.C. Grrr...so much to do, so little time to do it in!

January is already filling up so much, I thought things were supposed to slow down after the holidays?!

Oh yeah, and trying to date in the mix of it all! Crazy! But at least that's a fun reprieve in it all. Things still seem to be going pretty well with New Boy, for it being a total of a month. He's still interested and asked if I was free next week to get together and asked me if I had any ideas of what to do for the evening. Now there's a loaded question! :) So, I came up with some G-rated things to do and I'll see what he thinks. And then I also invited him to Taco Night, so fingers crossed!

Resolutions

Generally, I don't believe in a New Year's resolution. To make one admits that there are things you wished you did differently, ergo regret. I have thus far been successful in my life of not regretting decisions and choices I have made. If something does not turn out the way I had hoped, I try my hardest to find the silver lining, learn from the experience and move on. Side bar example: haven't talked to The Boy in over 2 weeks now...silver lining: I am now the proud owner of the new Superman movie, which he left at my house the last time he was over! Ha!

This year for 2007 is the first time in at least 5 years that I have made a resolution for the New Year. It's not so much because I regret something I have done, but more of a realization that I need to grow as a person, and thus I made a deal with myself that I am going to try my hardest to be a better person by being a more acceptant and understanding person.

I have many things that I want to, and need to accomplish by the end of this month alone. Numero Uno is to do the housecleaning thing. I can't expect myself to be ready for any sort of living changes if my environment is a natural disaster. I started on that right when I got back home from the weekend yesterday. I'm essentially grounding myself this week, allowing myself only one night out, so I stay in clean. CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!! As a double motivation, I'm organizing a little dinner party so it forces me to clean for company! Sneaky, yes, but I learned that trick from my mom!

Number Two: to STAY neat and tidy once it's all said and done! MUCH easier said than done! If I have any real hope of getting back into Wicca, I am going to need a neat and tidy living space to keep away negative energy and chaos.

Next would be to start actively seeking new employment. I was hoping that with the change coming this spring, things would get better at the new job, but in realizing that they are laying off two entire departments, how am I going to learn those department functions if they aren't here anymore?! Yeah, that line of logic proved that maybe I should get out now while I don't feel any attachments!

And finally (for now anyways), is to start looking at my sister's boyfriend like the brother I know he's going to be shortly. Jeff dropped the comment to me at New Years that it won't be much longer until he makes an "honest woman" out of my sister. Knowing him and how he judges time, I'm not thinking it's going to happen next month, but most likely sometime this year. So, I totally have to start getting into Maid-of-Honor mode! Crazy in my mind, but knowing myself, I need to start mentally preparing myself now!

Not so much the baby-steps that I would prefer, but I think that if I can get through the first month or so of this new year 2007 and at least keep on track mentally, than I don't think I need to worry! Plus, my horoscope totally ROCKED for this month, so Boo-Ya!