Just For Fun

Since yesterday's post was heavy, here's something just for fun for you viewers out there to get to know some of my quirks! One of those stupid surveys that float around in emails that I always have to answer, of course!

1. Do you still have tonsils? - Yes...and they're HUGE! I freak the dentist out...impressive, aye?

2. Would you bungee jump? – Possibly, if I ever felt the need to have my spine ripped out through my legs

3. If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be? - Literary critic...or a mattress tester.

4. How many tattoos do you have? - 1 complete and a 2nd in the works.

5. Your favorite fictional animal? - Unicorn

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? - my cuz, Monica

7. Do you consider yourself well organized? - I guess so in certain areas of my life.

8. Any Addictions? - warm fuzzy socks

9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? - US Weekly! I only spend my time with the really important news stories

10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? - Carnival...clowns freak me out and I like the Zipper

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? - An archaeologist/Egyptologist...my parents are still filling in holes in the backyard I dug up all those years ago.

12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? - Live Free or Die Hard; I 'Heart' Bruce Willis' ability to blow a lot of things up!

13. Favorite alcoholic drink? - Red Zinfandel

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? - go pee

15. Siblings? - An older sister and brother

16. What is the best thing about your job? - If I fall asleep at my desk there is most likely no chance anyone would notice!

17. Have you ever gone to therapy? – Yes

18. If you could have one super power what would it be? - Ability to fly...it would make my commute a hell of a lot easier.

19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? –The kitchen table and chairs

20. Have you ever gone camping? – Since I was a baby and I love it! Going again in a few weeks!

21. Gas prices! First thought? – I really wish I could fly!

22. Your favorite cartoon character? - I don't think I can really pick just one...

23. What was your first car? – 1990 Red Chevy Cavalier, two door sport

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? – No, I do not. There is power and meaning in words and tradition.

25. The Cosby Show or the Simpson's? - Simpson's, hands down. Groening in GOD!

26. Do you go to church? – No longer.

27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? – Living or dead? – Salvador Dali

28. What errand/chore do you despise? - Laundry.

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? - "That was a fucking weird-ass dream!"

30. Last time you got physically ill from drinking? – two week's ago at my friends birthday/house party

31. What is your heritage? – I'm an Anglo-Saxon mutt: British, Irish, French, German and Italian

32. Favorite flower(s)? - Daisies and lilac

33. Disney or Warner Bros? - Both

34. What is your best childhood memory? - One night at dinner, mom and dad put wrapped presents on mine, and my siblings dinner plates for when we sat down to eat. The wrapping was Mickey Mouse paper, and the present was one of those fannie-packs filled with a pack of gum, a small themed note-pad, a pen, $50 cash and a small note saying that we were leaving for Disney World for the first time ever in a week! I was about 7 or 8 years old, and nothing could have been better!

35. Your favorite potato chip? - Dirty Chips: Mesquite Flavor

36. What is your favorite candy? - Sour Patch Kids

37. Do you burn or tan? – I tan when I remember to use sun-block. :)

38. Astrological sign? - Virgo

39. Do you own a gun? – One that squirts water...does that count?

40. What do you think of hot dogs? – Don't ask; Don't tell!

When I was growing up and started to date and view boys as more than just cootie-carriers, it was very important for the adults around me to drill into my head that regardless of the boy and circumstance, if you tell him "no," then "no" means "no!" To this day, I still firmly hold this mantra in my mind. If you are with someone, and things start to get prickly, it is completely OK to change your mind about the situation; regardless if you are male or female. It is your right to stop with anything you are uncomfortable with. Sometimes, however, there is the unfortunate situation where the power of "NO" is taken away from us. And then where do you find yourself?!

Sis and I, and another who we’ll call Frank, got into a pretty bad argument over the weekend, and it ended up being a downer for everyone. It was over an occurrence where I had my power of "NO" taken away from me. I was extremely upset and made it known. Everyone was telling me to lighten up; that it was just a joke and that only infuriated me more. (I should mention at this point in time that the offense was done after I specifically and clearly said "don't even think about it," therefore making it premeditated and done purely for the fact that I did said "no.") And Frank refused to apologize, believing that he did nothing wrong and only stated that I was manipulating everyone around me to feel sorry for me like his brother's wife does. I'm starting to think that maybe his brother's wife is falsely shone in a negative light...

In a recent post on a blog I read regularly, statistics and information were given by the author due to experiences and circumstances that she was aware of, either personally or through friends of hers. To quote quickly: "Over her lifetime, one in four women will be the victim of sexual assault. One in four of those will be assaulted by a total stranger.” I am part of those statistics, being one in four women. It was by someone I loved and trusted dearly, and never had a second thought about my safety from/with him. Up until this point in time not very many people knew because like the definition states: I felt ashamed.

Sexual Assault is defined by dictionary.com as: "Conduct of a sexual or indecent nature toward another person that is accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering." This is nothing to joke about. It is a serious and ugly thing. It does something to you, inside of you, twists you, and never leaves you the same again. Since that time it was a long, difficult road to be able to trust the men in my life again, friends and family alike. I don't know if it was the lesser or worse of two evils that it was someone I knew, and I do pray to God that I never find out.

These years later, I thought I was over my fears and insecurities of the men around me. The last time a guy laid an unwelcome/unwanted hand on me, also after warning him "no," I literally dropped him to the ground (for those that don’t know, I am not a petite gal. I’m 5’ 8”+ and go to the gym regularly). Granted, that guy was in my weight class, but it still had me feeling good about being able to defend myself and show that I'm not a helpless female.

However, Frank is way far out of my weight class, and had me realizing that if there is an unfortunate next time, the person might not be in my weight class, and able to render me helpless. It had me shaken, upset, and feeling right back to where I was; unable to trust a person who was supposed to be looking out for me.

I try not to live my life in fear and suspicion, and I am only too glad that my sister is fortunate enough to be unable to understand why the whole episode upset me so much. I am genuinely happy for anyone who can’t understand why this whole thing was so upsetting. You are lucky and fortunate to never know that fear, the shame, the uncertainty of whether any part was your fault, because all you did was say ‘no.’ But I also don’t believe that a person needs to know every nitty-gritty detail about your life to decide on whether to respect the boundaries you put in place.

I’ve been working on this post since first thing this morning, and since then Frank has called and left me a voice-mail apology. I’m not really sure where that leaves him and me, though. I don’t know if he’s apologizing because he just wants to be back in my sister’s good graces, or if he actually recognizes that what he did was wrong. Knowing him like I do, it’s probably the former. But now do I stick to my convictions and try and force him to see the latent disrespect he spews forth, thanking him every time I see him for the bruises he’s given me to remember him always by? (yes, you hint sarcasm) Or do I let it go for my sister’s sake?! I feel that if I do the latter, than I’m not being true to myself and how far I’ve come. Especially since she was one in the group asking me to “lighten up,” which really threw me for a loop and stung.

And I’m hating the fact that I’m feeling like I did something wrong even though I know I didn't.

Friend Etiquette

Also entitled: Ravings of a Cynical Bitch, by Becky Du Poise

I'm on MySpace (don't laugh) (ok, laugh a little), and I hear it often from some of my friends that they sometimes feel bad about "rejecting" friend requests. My first question to them is: do you know these people? Yes? Ok, were you at any point in time friends with them? Yes? Alrighty, do you still feel the need to be friends with them now, because if you're not you're world is going to come crashing down? No? Then who gives a fuck?! Reject away!

Or, it could play like this:

Do you know these people? Yes? Ok, were you at any point in time friends with them? No? Did you so desperately pine for their friendship at one point in time for the hope that it would greatly improve your social standing? Yes? Well, you shouldn't give a fuck! Reject away!

Also, there's another friend-situation where one could find themselves feeling awkward. What happens when your friendship becomes one-sided after a long period of dual interaction? Meaning: you call (and call) and you never receive a call back. Or you email a couple of times the usual "hey, it's been a while, hope all is well?!" and you never hear back. What is the line to cross where you've gone from concerned friend who's sad and misses you, to obsessive stalker that just can't take a hint and let go? There's obviously a reason why you haven't heard back. One never like to believe its the worst reason, but hey, people usually suck in general so why get your hopes up?!

And the Hits Keep On Coming

Just a quickie...I found out this morning that my blog has had over 2,000 hits! That's over 2,000 times that it's been viewed, read, passed-over, whatever!

I thought that was pretty darn significant since I've only been writing for just over a year! I don't know if y'all are interested in my messy, personal life, or just plain amused, but I also want you to know that I don't mind if you comment, or write me now and again. The internetty is an interesting place, filled with interesting people!

Thanks for making me feel special, even if it really is just all in my head!

It Never Fails

First off, every lady out there that shaves her legs with a razor blade knows what I mean when I say what a bitch it is to shave around the ankle! Not enough surface area of skin. WAY too much surface area of the culprit razor.

And it never fails that if you should so happen to nick, or gash, your skin open while shaving in a hurry, that you will proceed to shave over the same god-damn spot, constantly reopening the cut until your forced to steer completely clear and now you have a hairy patch about the size of a quarter on your one ankle.

And then you realize you’re out of band-aids.

Also...you're dead tired from a long weekend of running around and partying with the best of 'em. Then come Monday, you have a double-header softball game so now your also more exhausted from that as well. Tuesday night, you've got nothing going on except to pack for your trip the next morning to the offices in MD (which means you have to wake up at 4:45am), and yet you can't fall asleep until 1:30am at the earliest.

Why, oh why?!

Recovery Needed.

This weekend was jam-packed full of fun.

Friday: Lunch with the girls at Gonzales y Gonzales and then Beer Garden with family for Dad's birthday at night. Then getting stuck in 3+ hours of traffic heading home because of lane closures on the L.I.E., NSP, and SSP. It was just one giant cluster-fuck.

Saturday: Wake up early and head out east for a 4 hour canoeing excursion down the Peconic River. Back to the parent's house for dinner, drinks and fun.

Sunday: Wake up early and head to NJ for a family wedding. Much eating, drinking, and dancing. Home by midnight or so. Forgot to set alarm.

Monday: Woke up late, but still really early. Remembered I have a softball game (double-header) after work. Wondering when I can just crawl under my desk and pass-out!

Just Another Fun MEME

1. Who was your first prom date? Never went to Prom

2. Who was your first roommate? My sister? If that doesn't count, Allison

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Shot of Tequila, thank you Doug

4. What was your first job? Rita's Real Italian Ices

5. What was your first car? '90 Chevy Cavalier, sport...flaming red!

6. Who was the first person you texted today? No one yet

7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning? I don't remember

8. Who was your first grade teacher? I don't remember (where's my memory today?)

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Orlando, Florida

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? Never snuck out.

11. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends?Cherish, and no.

12. Where was your first sleep over? Alissa Heyer

13. Who was the first person you talked to this morning? Allison

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time? Lisa and Matt

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? take a drink of water

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? Rusted Root

17.First piercings or tattoos? Got my ears pierced at 13...my first tattoo was last year, July 15th.

18. First foreign country you went to? Does Pennsytucky count? No? Canada? Still no? Ok, England

20. First TRUE love? I don' t think I've met them yet

21. When was your first detention? 10th grade for forgetting my gym uniform! WTF?! Catholic School, fascists!

22. What was the first state you lived in? Only ever New York

Another Day, Another Downer

"If it's raining, I'm calling the whole thing off!"

That? That's what my dad said to my mother regarding his upcoming birthday this weekend, as if the rain could stop him from physically aging another year and stop my brother, sister, and their significant others from all coming out to Long Island to celebrate. He has not taken his birthday's in easy stride since he turned the big Five-Oh five years ago. And now that he's turning "double nickles" as he's termed, it's getting worse and worse.

My father is a difficult person to love. He doesn't make it easy most times because of his moods and the way he procrastinates, judges, preaches, and withdraws. I know that the rest of my family doesn't really understand him and these moods he's been getting into more and more lately. My mother has had to bear the great burden of loving this man and of sharing her life with him the most. Sometimes I look at my parents and their marriage, and don't understand it at all, but I know I really don't have to. It's not my marriage, so it's not mine to understand.

But there is a lot about my dad that I do understand. Maybe we are more alike than I care to admit at times, but I find that knowing and understanding my father is not always as difficult as it seems to others. Just last weekend, my dad was in one of his depressions (an occurrence that is happening with more frequency). My older sister called me upset on Monday and told me about the conversation she had on the phone when she called home Sunday night. She said dad was snippy and short with her, giving her a very undeserved attitude. She informed me that, "He's in one of his 'self-pity party' moods again, and I just can't deal with it!"

Maybe my family is lucky enough to have never dealt with their own depression. There is nothing I would want more for those I love than for them to never experience that. But I have. And it sucks. And because I have, I understand that usually there is absolutely no logic to why you get depressed. There may not be a reason, or a trigger. No one event or happenstance may start you on that downward spiral. Sometimes, it just happens because you woke up that day. Period. So when my dad gets into one of his depressions, I may not understand the 'why' it happened, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I just understand the feeling, and that I love him so much to want to help in any way and understanding person can.

I got off the phone with my sister and I called home that night. Mom and Dad both got on the line as they normally do so neither of them miss any of the conversation. I kept the conversation light and fun, carefully avoiding certain words and and topics that I understand might upset my dad. He did sound glum when he first got on the phone, but I was relieved to hear him laughing by the time I was ready to hang up.

I personally don't feel like there are many things that I proactively do for my family. I will always be there for any of them if they need me, but that's reactive. The one thing that I can do, at the very least, for my dad is to understand him and help pick him up when he needs it, even if he doesn't know its happening. It's really the first time that I don't mind being daddy's little girl. It's something that I get about him, that maybe nobody else does, and I love him for it.

Weevils!

The lesser of two, well, you know what I mean.

Being stood-up for a date? Or being cancelled on by way of text message?

A Small Kick in the Tokus!

I was encouraged, for the second time in a week by a completely different friend, that I need to go to Holland. Soon. If for anything just for the excuse to see a new country. So that's what they're calling it these days.

Starlight

A great new song by MUSE, a British punk band, off of their new album Black Holes and Revelations:

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

But I'll never let you go
If you promised not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

And I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
I just wanted to hold

You can check out the music and video here on YouTube! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, compliments of a far-away friend.

I've Been Bad

*slight prelude: I also try and keep a blog on my MySpace page, but it's a bit more tame because I don't want the entire world of MySpace to know my life. That privilege if for you few. Don't you now feel special?! This following is what I posted on MySpace earlier this evening.*

Ok, so I haven't been posting in both places like I said I would, so here's my attempt to get back on track...oddly enough Jen Lancaster is my inspiration, although I WISH I sat around playing with my new picture feature on my phone all day like her! (I 'Heart' Jen!)

So, as I'm surfing the web some, while burning my buttery, pierogie dinner on the stove all while sadistically 'searching' Myspace for ex boyfriends so I can truly wear the "MySpace Ruined My Life" t-shirt for real these days AND drinking wine (of course!), I'm listening to the new Tori Amos album: American Doll Posse!

And it? Is amazing! I also 'Heart' Tori!

And yet, I'm angry with her at the moment because her current tour for this album does NOT include any location in the U.S. And I would probably have traveled anywhere to see her. Although, maybe I can coincide a show when I take my trip to Holland in December?! Hmmm...Tori and I have this very difficult love-hate relationship...so incredibly difficult when she's not even aware of it!

Hmpf!

But the new album really IS true genius! Rock on, Tori!