Ramblings of a Crazy Lady

I’ve been avoiding you. Yes, I know, it’s not fair. To me OR you. But it’s true. I know the whole point of this relationship has been so I would have a place where I felt safe enough to just write anything…anything at all. My feelings, thoughts, stories, jokes, conflicts, etc. So what happens when I start hiding even from you?

I guess part of it is that I don’t know if half the time I should feel the way I’m feeling lately. So much happens in life and I’m not sure if what is going on is OK or not. Is it right to feel the things I do? Do or say the things I do and say? Part of me feels ashamed, I think, which is why I haven’t been around, and I’m not even sure of what. Crazy, huh?!

Like that other morning with the kiss. It felt so good, but it was wrong. I know it was wrong, he knew it was wrong, but yet I want more when I know I shouldn’t.

And when I wrote that letter telling her that I need time to myself. I know I’m not wrong in wanting to take care of myself. They say time heals all wounds. How am I supposed to care for others if I can’t care for myself first? But I feel guilty, and I’m not even sure why. Doesn’t that mean I’ve done something wrong, if I feel like I did? I feel like I’ve abandoned her, but that’s silly to think because she has her husband and family to support her when I feel so completely alone.

Sometimes I can’t explain my behavior. The reasons why I do things, say things. Sometimes I feel detached, and wonder at myself. I can see myself and hear myself, and think, “Self! What the fuck? Why did you just say that? Do you honestly think that what you just did is appropriate?” Most of the time I don’t care though. About anything.

I think it goes beyond jaded to a place that is more than even being self-absorbed, because that would then mean that there is caring and focus on self, which there isn’t…more of like a hollowness of anything and everything. I look for an extremeness just to feel something. Maybe that is why I put myself into situations where I know I’m going to be hurt. At least that’s feeling something.

Or maybe that’s why I act out, so demonstratively. An extrovert to the unsuspecting eye, sure, but if someone really got to see inside they would see the shy girl that is more comfortable sitting alone in a corner reading her book...with a nice cup of tea.

Happy Fishing!

There is a time-honored tradition among the women and gay men of NYC, and it lands on a Wednesday-Wednesday week, with Memorial Weekend right smack in the middle of it.

Fleet Week, ladies, is definitely upon us!

You can usually mark this short time span by the copious amounts of men in sailor uniforms wandering around midtown…

…or by Roommie’s sudden urge to stalk all things sailor! And you know what? I don’t blame her.

I had my first sighting Wednesday night while out with Christina. We were doing some bathing-suit shopping and decided on dinner as well. And there they were in all their glorious white, perm-pressed, freshly starched uniforms with those adorable hats. And what did I do?

I froze!

Yup, I was so overwhelmed that I looked a cutie right in the eye…and kept walking!! What is wrong with me?! This truly goes against nature!

But alas, I had a chance to redeem myself.

Last night, I had tried to organize a bar-night for my softball team since there was a two and a half week interim between games. Way too long in my opinion to not hang out with a great group of folks. So, I picked the place, sent out the email, and counted down the days to yet another excuse to go out drinking.

Since the Knepf and Roommie only showed up, it was as we say “a bust.” But we still had a good time with conversations and jokes.

As we entered the subway station that would bring us back to Penn, I spotted three crisp white uniforms. As one went up to the booth to ask how to get to Times Square, I oh-so obligingly stated that I was headed the same way and how convenient was it that they could just follow me! *glee*

Oh yes, folks…put a few beers in me and I actually become better at quick thinking when it comes to my man-hunting extracurricular activities. I do in fact become wittier, more clever and just a wee bit craftier! This isn’t even self-proclaimed, I kid you not! It is definitely a scientifically proven fact!

After finishing a crazy-big project at work on Wednesday, today was just dealing with catching up on stuff that kind of got put on the back-burner. And realizing that I didn’t want to go anywhere near Part II of Crazy Big Work Project tomorrow, I wouldn’t really have anything to do all day. The solution? Take the day off! But I’m still heading in to the city to hang out and mosey around. Maybe do some sailor stalking! Woot! Woot!

So, what is the best way to get over the most heinous two weeks ever?!

Gone fishin’!

God bless America, our Veterans, and Fleet Week! Happy Memorial Holiday, Bitches!

Thursday Monotony

Being offered a good-morning wake-up call and hug? Fantastic!

Being offered that by your friend who already has a girlfriend? Hmmmm...

Count Down

It's 18 days until the Charity Walk I've signed up for and qualify to walk in. It's a 20-miler! Yikes! I am only now realizing how unprepared i really am, and I'm a little nervous about walking alone.

This wouldn't be the first time I've jumped head-first into something before discovering all the details. My study abroad program to Spain?! 6 weeks in a foreign country, and I knew nobody! It's a little bit of an impulse thing, but it's never lead me astray before, so I'm hoping that if there's ever a time for consistency, this would be it.

The Walk itself is awesome, and I am so excited to participate. It's the Out of the Dark, Overnight Walk for Suicide Prevention. This is a cause that strikes extremely close to home for me, and the pull of participating is incredibly strong. It starts, and ends, at the South Street Seaport in NYC. It starts after sunset on the Saturday night, and you walk through the night, and out of the darkness into the sunrise! The idea is so inspirational, nothing has moved me so much as of late as this has.

I doubt I'll be walking alone. For something like this, people come together to share stories and help give comfort to those they can empathize with. And let's face it, I've never been one to keep to myself and be shy.

But it's crazy to think that in a little over two weeks, I'll be doing this. This "thing" that means so much to me. And the support and encouragement from all of my wonderful friends and family has given me more cause to champion this foundation and charity.

Over the weekend, I walked the AIDS walk NY to try and give myself a time gauge. I was able to walk 6.2 miles in about two hours. Not too shabby, but I know the 20 miler is going to be longer than 8 hours. With the way my knees are (I have really bad knees), I'm sure I'll be taking frequent rest stops.

And I'm also hoping that some of my friends might come down to meet me at the finish line for breakfast! Details and location to follow, but definitely give me a head's up if you might want to venture into the city for a morning brunch!

X-Rated

That's the brand of Vodka that sponsored the event I went to on Friday. They also make this amazing passion-fruit flavored liqueur that I consumed straight on the rocks, all night long. Ouch! Saturday morning was a little rough.

But I had a fantastic time Friday night, hoping that The Boy was at that bar waiting for me to show up anyway. Hah! A girl can dream. And apparently take her pants off with no quams either, but that's another story for another time! All I can say is that the shirt-dress was long enough, I swear! And I drank. A. Lot.

And just when I thought I was done with my week and all the craziness and coincidences, I find out on Saturday night from the Roommie the latest and greatest with Photo-Booth Guy. Yup, another one that just dropped off the face of the planet has resurfaced to make my life on Earth a little bit more like hell...

I'm starting to get the feeling that they are preparing me for something...like maybe all those jokes about me driving the bus to hell are actually coming into fruition?! ^shrug^ I dunno...

But apparently, as the story goes, I got dumped for a famous musician! Seeing as he works for the musical-talent portion of a major nightly broadcast television show, he comes into contact and acquaintance with many...and one tickled his fancy, or something else at least.

And here I am on Monday, hoping that I've filled my quota for the year on shit like this! Will this fun never end?!

I am SO done with this Week!

As of yesterday at 4:30pm, I was supposed to meet up with The Boy for a drink this evening after work. Can we say, "glutton for punishment?" Oh yeah. Except that an amazing thing happened today.

He reminded me of why he's an ass! And I cancelled it! I told him he didn't even deserve that much from me, and to leave me the hell alone; that I won't be reading any more of his emails so don't even bother writing.

And then I effectively blocked his email address from my email provider.

So, why aren't I feeling any better?!

I feel drained. Zapped. Like I have no more energy or emotion left in me for anything. Not even just for a guy. Anything. I think that's a bad sign.

But hey, there's another Open Bar tonight at this event I'm going to, so as long as I'm able to roll my ass out of bed by 11am tomorrow morning to shower, dress and appear at work I'm good to go!

Alcohol...the solution for all things bad, ugly and evil!

Reminds me of a good song by Barenaked Ladies...

Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O alcohol, I still drink to your health

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol

Forget the cafe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea
A Malibu and coke for you, a g&t for me
Alcohol, your songs resolve like
My life never will
When someone else is picking up the bill

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
O alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
Ill use something else

I thought that alcohol was just for those with
Nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
Was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there's a time
And there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between
Self-control and self-abuse

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Would you please ignore that you
Found me on the floor
Trying on your camisole?
O alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
Ill use something else.

Would you please forgive me
Would you please forgive me

Ugh

Two words that are NOT my favorite this morning:

"Hung" and "Over," but only in that order.

^wink^ ^wink^

The Slippery Slope

When things are going down hill in my life, boy oh boy do they really go down hill.

There was another email in my inbox from The Boy again...you know, the one I had talked to since Christmas?! Yeah, that one!

If the past few days (I'm going three for three, here) hasn't been one huge cosmic "Fuck You" I'm not really sure what would be?! When the key three men in my life for the past year, in the span of three days, have all brought me down to the lowest I've been in a long time, that has got to be some kind of record. Just goes to show you that the universe is telling me I put too much stock in guys, too.

Thank god that I can still count on my favorite two words in the entire world later: "Open" and "Bar," and yes, in that order!

Double Whamy

I am SUCH a bad liar when it comes to myself. I can lie about anything and everything and give quite a convincing argument that will have you believing the sky is yellow not blue, and the ocean is filled with dragons. But when it comes to myself? No dice. "I don't understand," you say? Well, the last post I wrote has been embellished and fictionalized for the sole purpose of making me feel better. Yup! I'm trying to rewrite the past...with little to no luck. If it had done its job of making me feel better, I wouldn't be writing this now.

Yes, I had dinner with The Artist last night, and it was nice and a pleasant surprise at how easy and fun the night was. Only, half of the evening had me drowning my sorrows in that wine because he told me that he started dating somebody he really REALLY has a thing for. And to make it better? I know her...quite well, actually.

Everything I said about our conversations and chemistry is true...the kiss even happened, too. But that is why I embellished to make myself feel better. It totally left me wanting more and NOT ok with the way things are. He's a tease, and I know that. Yet I still follow him like a puppy because his kisses are so toe-curling. And I might be quite dense when it comes to boys. This we know.

We both left last night sexually frustrated, but he refused to give in to it on the chance that things with this new girl (who he's only been on 1 date with) go well. As I so aptly pointed out, they aren't even technically dating, they have just been on a date. We went back and forth on it, fighting the urge to just give in and let ourselves have our fun until finally I did stop it and tell him he had to leave at that moment if he was serious about the girl.

So he left.

Yeah, no Cheshire Cat smile for me...instead it had me tearing up because knowing I've still got it didn't help me feel any better with the rejection, which then in turn had me really wondering if I indeed 'still had it.'

And to top it all off, "Steve" called me this morning with more woes of his relationship. Except this time he actually started off the conversation with, "I'm sorry to keep unloading on you, but..." as if that would make me feel any better about it.

I'm not feeling the whole "it's Wednesday" thing. Wednesday sucks.

Into My Own Rabbit Hole

Last night I had dinner with The Artist. I was supposed to see him and spend some time with him last Saturday night, but work got crazy for both of us, and it just ended up being a quick drink and then we went our separate ways. So, we planned for dinner last night at a little bistro that was about half way between each of our apartments, and it was great!

During dinner we talked about topical things. Work, interests, art, the usual. We came to realize that we always just discuss topical, current things and never really delve into ourselves and past. Well, the wine was a-flowing and that soon changed.

It was such a great night it actually kind of took me by surprise. I went there expecting to be hurt with the knowledge that we weren't going to be more than friends. But we have finally found our groove with one another, understanding our relationship and it’s such a relief. There’s no more stress and pressure about it, and once that was realized, things were so much more comfortable.

So, we finish out the night of drinking and talking about our sexual exploits, sharing stories and laughs like the old, sex-crazed friends we are. We talked about our experiences with each other and with other people. I thought it was supposed to be awkward, but it wasn't at all.

And at the end of the night I still got my good-night kiss!

I'm not talking the friendly pecks on the cheek or lips that are our norm. I'm talking about that "toe-curling, kiss me senseless all night long" good-night kiss...with nibbles.

*sigh* God, I love the nibbles! And those hands? LOVE those hands!

After about 15 minutes of smooching and wandering hands while standing up against my car in the parking lot, I finally and regretfully backed away. We both just look into each other’s eyes, sigh a heavy sigh, well aware of our chemistry and just share that knowing look. I tell him I need to go and he lets me.

As he walks to his car, I get in mine and smile like a Cheshire cat with the knowledge that I’ve still got it! There is extreme satisfaction in knowing he still wants me, but at least from here on out it will be my call, not his.

I know that nothing is going to be more than what we have of our friendship, but that’s OK. The occasional toe-curling kisses are fun enough for me!

Calling all Gals!

Hey there, Gals of New York City!

Unbeknownst (I love that word!) to many, there is something fabulous. Something wondrous. Something absolutely FANTASTIC that takes place in NYC twice a year.

Beauty Week! <-- Click there!

It's a week when spas and salons all over NYC give discounted prices for anything and everything.

I hope all you wonderful gals can take advantage and let loose your inner-Goddess!!

All A Twitter

Ok, so I got suckered in, just like a bunch of other folks.

I follow the blog of one of my favorite authors, and yesterday she posted about about a new blog-type site where you can just post random thoughts. And here I thought, "Wow! That is PERFECT for my random thoughts I have running through my head all day!" So I joined.

You can check it out here and follow along if you want to know the randomness that occurs in my mind. All. Day. Long.

Every Family Has One!

The one relative that nobody will talk about at holidays around the dinner table. No, “Whatever happened to him,” or “I wonder how she’s doing since that last time.”

My family had one, but hundreds of years ago. With my dad’s family emigrating from the UK, the genealogy actually traces back to the Normandy region of France. A Duke of France, to be exact. Except nobody talks about him and the time in which our family originated in France. It’s like that whole part of our family history didn’t exist. If you ask my dad where my family is from, he’ll always say hands-down “England.”

And you know what? The reasons are as scandalous as you might imagine! How cool is that?!

Apparently, Good ‘Ole Duke-Boy had been somewhat of a lesser-caliber character. A bit of a womanizer, we’ll say to put it nicely. In the olden days of yore (when was yore, anyways?) the Duke had run up so much debt in borrowing against his land, fiefs, basically any asset he held, while squandering it all away on the two downfalls that are as reliable as time and go back as far as the Old Testament: Women and Booze!

Now I see where I get it from!

Well, not the womanizing part, but the basic concept, I suppose. He-he!

So why does this all come up now?! Here’s why: up until recently my dad and his side of the family had thought that the entire clan emigrated at once, but apparently some had stayed back in England with nobody really knowing except my one great-aunt (my grandfather’s sister). And even then letters (yes, folks, snail-mail…and trans-continental even! *gasp*) were few and far between.

At some point last year, a woman from England got in touch with my dad, saying how she found a bunch of letters from my great-aunt in her mother’s closet. Her mother had just recently passed, and had never told her children of their relatives across the sea, and the daughter had come upon the letters while cleaning out her mother’s things. Pretty darn random, if you ask me. So, the communication was initiated and kept on for a good few months. As it turns out, I’ve had a cousin (like 3rd removed, or something crazy like that…who the hell knows how that all goes anyways) who is a career man in the Royal British Navy (oh, I love a uniform) who had been based in Virginia Beach for close to seven years…SEVEN YEARS I’ve had a long-lost relative living not even 10 hours away from me, and I never even knew it!

After careful planning, we were all able to meet in NYC when the folks from England were over here on ‘holiday’ (I just love how they say that), and my cousin from V.B. came up as well, and it was a crazy-ass reunion! Incredible! It was so much fun, getting to talk to someone for hours with that wonderful accent! I didn’t even care they were related.

Unfortunately, Navy-Cousin was being called back to the Mother Country in another couple of months. Drats! I had just found him, why did he have to leave?! Stupid Queen! But after he left, we stayed in touch through email as best we could, and still do.

Last week, he was actually in NYC visiting. I had lunch with him last Tuesday, and took off from work on Wednesday to tour him around Coney Island, and then off to Long Island to show him a bit of that and dinner with mom and dad. It was so great to see him again. He’s just so cool, with so many interesting stories about his work, the world and life in general. Plus, it’s a connection and tie to my family history that I never thought I would appreciate it until it was starring me back in the face.

So, France can keep the Duke-dom, or Duke-ship, or whatever the hell it’s called, because as far as I’m concerned, my family is from England! And now I have a great vacation spot with family! Oh yeah, that SO rocks!

M.I.A.

For the few I haven't physically spoken to, I've been uber-busy because a relative from England has been in town and I've been chillin' with him a bunch. So, more to come real soon, once I catch up on my 100+ emails at work I need to read through.

Oh yeah, and tonight? I'm going to a Ball! That's right! Step aside, Cinderella, for this girl is getting her evening with her very own glass slipper and carriage...well, more like leather heels and a taxi, but you get the point! Fancy dress, fancy meal, bunches of dancing and open bar. Those are possibly my two favorite words ever! Open. Bar. All's right in my world!

Revelation; Part Two

Or what I like to call the “Second ‘S’ in the Trifecta.”

With the first ‘S’ being Sushi, the second ‘S’ is Softball.

The second relationship turned bad was with a guy who I met through The Bird. He worked in a completely different department that had nothing to do with me, so our job paths never crossed. I actually met him through a friend I worked with in my department.

At first, he was charming, and sweet with his cheesy one-liners. He always wanted to spend time with me and have me meet his friends. This was a big change from Matt, and I was thrilled. One day, he asked if I would come by and watch the company softball game in Central Park. Being a silly girl, I did. And when they got there, apparently they needed one more girl to meet the co-ed quota. When asked to play, I was giddy, wanting to please him and show that I’m not just a silly girl, but a girl with coordination.

Since that day, I played softball on the company team. It was so much fun, forming a new circle of friends at the company to hang out with and get to know. But as things in the relationship turned sour with his charm turning sour, I was reluctant to give up the game.

Then he left the company.

We were still dating at the time in which he left The Bird, but I knew things weren’t on a great track. He compromised friendships with people he’d known for years because of me, and while it should have been flattering, it was only uncomfortable. He became selfish and demanding, and I tried to be as easy-going and compliant as possible, as is my normal M.O.

Finally things kind of hit the fan when we went away camping/rafting with a group of friends. I had told him I’ve been camping pretty much since birth, but I don’t think he fully grasped what that meant.

It meant that, as a girl, I was completely capable of setting up my tent by myself, building and starting a successful camp fire, and help others figure out things in the camp, too, when asked for help. Unfortunately, this didn’t sit well with his ego, and he became quite nasty and demeaning to me all weekend long. It quickly turned from fun with friends, to grudgingly going to sleep at night because I had to lie next to him.

Shortly after that, we agreed to stop dating. We did better as friends and we would keep it that way. I went on to continue playing softball with The Bird, and even played on his own team he set up to play in the league. The friendship was rocky for a while, and now we don’t even talk due to other circumstances, but the time I had with him on softball was always fun.

Now, even at my new company, I am still playing softball. I practically rejoiced when I found out WKL&B had a team, I was so excited. So, I play and only improve my game as the years and seasons pass, and I have him to thank for that. That one day that I came to just watch, and ended up playing, because I was a silly girl who wanted to impress a guy!

Exciting News

So I had to go to the doctor today (ick!), and get blood taken (double ick!), AND a TB shot (triple ick!). Talk about a Triple Whamy!

But the exciting news is that I didn't do my usual drop-to-the-ground, passing out show! Nope, not this time! This time, I was completely fine even with the surprise of getting a shot (squirm). So after telling the doctor how active I've been lately, and eating healthier and such, what did I do?!

Scarf down a bag of Pepperidge Farms mini chocolate chip cookies and a bag of Munchos potato chips! Hey, I earned them!!

Seeing Smiles

For me, to give a gift is a special thing. It is one of my favorite things to do. To watch a friend or family member unwrap that package and see their eyes light up because what’s underneath is just absolutely perfect. I truly love the feeling of utter joy in the giving!

I have always prided myself on my talent of gift-giving. For knowing that perfect gift of not what a person wants per se, but what they’d appreciate, and sometimes the two end up being the same thing and sometimes not. Being empathetic, I’m pretty in-tune to people and what I know they’d like. Come holidays and birthdays, I’m usually the go-to person in my family for gift ideas, and its great and often lots of fun!

My favorite holiday to give a gift on is Mother’s Day.

Years ago, my mom was the easiest person in the world to shop for. I’m not really sure why, but that was just the way of things. And my dad? Forget about it. There are only so many times socks and neck-ties are appropriate. But nowadays, it seems like it’s reversed. With my dad being so active in all of these company clubs for skiing, golf, etc., he’s easy to shop for and my mom is now the stumper, and it’s truly a challenge to come up with something that not only will she appreciate but will like as well. It just seems like Mom has everything she needs and/or wants. So where to go from there?!

Sentiment!

Something sentimental is always appreciated and liked! And if you’re lucky, it’ll be a tear-jerker, too!

This year, I believe I have truly outdone myself! In January when my family takes a ski-weekend vacation (6 years running), every morning I would meet my mom in the kitchen for a cup of coffee and quiet reading time before the rest of the household would wake up. It’s our time together that we share every year. It has become our sort of tradition, and I don’t mind getting up early on a vacation weekend for it.

This year, when we were chatting about what we were currently reading, I showed her whatever smut-trash-romance-book I had at the time (you all know I’m a sucker for smut!). Knowing full well that my mom has read these kinds of books for years, I wasn’t embarrassed in the least. Actually, it steered us towards a very funny conversation of when we started reading those types of books. It turns out that she was about the same age that I was, and hid the books under her bed from her mother, just like I did. We had a good laugh over it! And then I asked her what the very first trashy romance novel that she ever read was. After some thought, she told me and further went on to say that because of that book, the author had become her favorite. And over the years, she has tried to find a copy of that book to re-read, but the library never had it, nor did any book store she went into. She was resolved to believe it was out of print, and out of circulation.

When we were back to our homes and work that following week, I did an online search about that book. My mom was right in that it was no longer in print or circulation. But, thanks to my favorite site of all time, Amazon.com, I was able to find several book stores that had used copies! In the past, when buying used books online, I haven’t always had the best of luck with these stores’ honesty about the condition of the book, but there really isn’t anything you can do about it. So, I ordered a copy and crossed my fingers that it would be in as good condition as the store boasted.

Two weeks, over-priced mark-up book price, and shipping costs later, the book arrived…and in perfect condition. I was so psyched, you have NO idea. When I say perfect?! I mean perfect! It’s the original hard-back, cover art, second edition printing of this book. And totally well-worth what I paid just to watch her go all melty when she opens it on Sunday. Because not only will it mean something to her about her childhood, but it is now a connection to something she and I share for just the two of us!

Stacking the Odds

This is what Roommie defines as having more than one person you are currently crushing on present at a social function. It should never be done because likely you'll have backed yourself into a corner and create an awkward situation. Invite one or the other and live with your choice.

I've often been guilty of stacking the odds because, like most, I crave positive attention and for a while I was socially, dating-retarded. A first for me, though, is being a part of those odds for someone else. And I have to tell you, it kind of sucks.

After our game last night, the team went to a great dive bar with beer/wing specials to celebrate our win (never won by the "mercy rule" before...it was cool!). There were about 8-10 of us, a good crowd, and while it should have been fun, I spent the entire time watching Toast hit on and flirt with a friend of one of our team-mates. It was really odd to watch the familiarity in his actions and stories, the routine of it all so familiar. Not understanding what I was feeling (something between annoyed and jealous), I immediately made the conscious effort to not be a cock-block as a drunk, angry, annoyed, jealous ME tends to be. Not a trait I am proud of, but it is a part of me nonetheless. If Toast has decided I am no longer part of that picture for him, so be it. We still have our friendship and that's cool. But a part of me feels like he was purposefully flaunting it in my face. Lucky, I'm not so narcissistic, and High-Fi felt the same way and was really awkward about the whole thing, too, so it wasn't just me.

So High-Fi and I pretty much spent the entire time just chatting and watching the train-wreck that was Toast. And while we took a lot of what he said with a grain of salt (he was so very wasted), he was saying some things that were offensive.

The funny part of the evening, though, came when he asked the girl what year she was born in. When she said, he gasped and exclaimed, "You're so young, you're such a baby!" At this point, I gave a very pointed look and said, "Jackass, that's the year I was born in, too! What's your point?"

"You don't count!"

And there it was.

Revelations; Part One

When a relationship fails, I always try and take away something positive from the amount of time I spend with someone I thought was special. For whatever reason for the failed attempt at staying together, for however long you were with a person, you shared moments of your life that has helped build and shape the person you are and become every single day.

This morning, as I lugged my softball gear up two flights of stairs, onto the LIRR train, and hoisted it up onto the luggage rack, it got me thinking that this is a lot of effort for a sport that is purely recreational. Why do I put myself through the hassle of participating?! It doesn’t cost me a thing, and it’s certainly not mandatory. But I love it! I never played in high school or college. I only started playing because a boy I used to work with (who I found adorable and charming at the time) asked me to play!

So it got me thinking of all the crazy things I have done, started or tried because a silly boy I had a crush on asked me to! And that trail of thought put me on the path to realizing the positives that I could take away from those failed relationships.

Boy # 1: Sushi!

For years, while growing up, my dad was always getting us to try new foods and recipes. I think because of this, my stomach has had to adapt and I can now eat anything and not have it bother me! Who knew having a cast-iron stomach was evolutionary?! But regardless, there were plenty of things I thought were fantastic and pure heaven to taste, but there were also plenty of things I thought were horrific and quickly ran to spit it out. The one thing I drew the line at was raw fish. I mean, ick! I didn’t care that it was rolled up with rice and other stuff. It was raw. Fish! With SEAWEED! Gross!

But during the time in which I was seeing Matt, he asked me one night while I was at his apartment what I wanted for dinner. I said I couldn’t decide, so he should just go ahead and pick what he wants. He picked sushi. Immediately my stomach rolled (no pun intended), and with a sweet smile on my face, I perused the sushi menu. I came up with two rolls that I could see had cooked shrimp and crab meat in them. Not too bad, I thought, AND it looked like I knew what I was doing! So when the food delivered, I made myself look busy while I watched him prep is soy sauce with wasabi. I then followed suit, and off we went on our sushi adventure. Then he started placing other rolls on my plate…spicy tuna? Salmon? I don’t even like those when they’re COOKED, how the heck was I supposed to swallow them now raw?!

Well, trying to play it cool, I thanked him, dipped, put in mouth, chewed twice and swallowed as fast as I could.

Wow! That wasn’t so bad! Let’s try the spicy tuna next!

I did…and actually LIKED it! Huh, that was actually good!! Who would have known?! Oh, yeah…my dad. Oh well.
Thus ensued my new found love of sushi…all because of a boy! Go figure! Us girls will do silly things sometimes for the attention and affection of a boy, but at least I walked away from that one with a new addition to my take-out rotation!