What Goes Around...

I once saw a t-shirt that said, "Myspace Ruined My Life!" I thought it was hysterical, especially since I have a Myspace page. It's considered the new wave of the "Friendsters" but I find, surprisingly, that Friendster is making a come-back! Maybe because Friendster isn't scary enough to have a t-shirt made about them...

She's Going Down!!!

So here's what I learned about drinking an entire bottle of red wine all by yourself:
1. The buzz creeps up on you slowly, but hits you twice as hard as soon as you stand up
2. You actually DON'T become more intelligent despite what that little voice in your head tells you.
3. Just because it's wine it doesn't make you a 'classy drunk.'
4. No matter how many beers someone else can have, they will still look at you like you're the alcoholic because to finish off a whole bottle of wine is more visible than say four beers.
5. Just because it's wine it doesn't make the hang-over any more civilized in the morning.

Clarity

I could have used a really good thunderstorm Sunday night to help me meditate on my decision regarding my career and job opportunities. As I've said before, nothing calms my tumultulous thoughts like a good storm. Unfortunately, I was left to battle out my own thoughts on my own, leaving me even more confused and unclear. Yesterday, I actually called the recruiter to turn down the offer, and she talked me back off the ledge. She asked what my feelings were regarding my rejection of the offer and I conveyed my hesitations of maybe not knowing all that I thought I originally knew. She appreciated my candidness and honesty, and asked if she could go back to Aspen HR people and convey this and see what they have to say. I was fine with that, seeing at this point nothing more to say.

Then I met with Boss Lady, and while she was explaining the process of "mapping" out my career path at The Bird, I just didn't feel an enthusiasm for it. While I respected her offer to help me achieve my career goals, I just wasn't into it, but at this point figured I know had to play the hand I was dealt. Then the Recruiter called me back and told me that the Manager of the position at Aspen would really like to speak with me one more time to clarify any hesitations or questions I may have had. She offered me her cell phone number and asked that I call her when I get home from work, that way neither of us are distracted from the day. That right off the bat impressed me that I was worth her personal time when there was still a chance that I could turn down the job.

So, when I called her, we talked for almost 30 minutes. As we talked a bit more about the position and responsibilities, and possibilities down the road, I was getting more and more excited about the opportunity. Speaking with her, and hearing her own enthusiasm about me helped me to know that I was coming in this morning and telling Ali-Girl that it was time for me to move on.

Last night, I slept so well for the first time in two weeks. Sure I cried my eyes out, and it won't be the last time, but a rolling stone gathers no moss...And moss is icky! I'm very sad to be leaving The Bird, the friends I have made here along my journey, but I also know that I'll stay in touch with those I need to. For instance, Charlie and I still try and stay in touch as much as we can, and it's great!

So, here's to uncharted waters and new beginnings!

Still on the Fence...

So the day is almost over and I've been able to put off giving them an answer until at least tonight, maybe tomorrow morning. I had a meeting with the Boss Lady, and she was very receptive to what I had to say, about being ready for more and the ways in which she is going to work with my manager to create a "road-map" of sorts to get me to where I want to be in 6 months to a year. Now the million dollar question is wether I want to wait 6 months to a year to receive a managerial title. Boss Lady did mention something to the effect of seeing the Head-Honcho in HR about more money, and since she did ask what Aspen was offering, I know she'll try and get close. So, staying could be a good thing if everything they say to me tomorrow makes sense for me to stay...that is, if I can also envision what they would plan for me as well.

So, here's to another night of restless sleeping!

Torn

Well, it's official. I have made myself sick over the decision I have still yet to make. I received the job offer at Aspen, but due to recent revelations at work, I'm not sure that my time at The Bird is done yet. Part of me sees the new opportunity as seductive and exciting and the money is great, but part of me also realizes that I still have so much to learn, and I can do that at The Bird with the pre-existing network base. I also realize that a major part of the reason to why I am so good at what I do is because I love the product I work with. I don't want to end up hating the new job and being bored because I can't relate to the product I'm managing. Are these all excuses for not leaving The Bird? Maybe, but I think that when I am truly ready, there won't be any excuses to give. And like my wise mentor told me, at this point in my career, any decision I make can't possibly be a mistake. I still don't know what I am going to say when I'm expected to make a decision this morning, but I think I am leaning towards staying.

The Juice is Worth the Squeeze!

That is one of my favorite movie quotes of all time! It truly makes you stop and think about what is worth it to you! Well, my juice was definitely worth the squeeze! That's right folks, I finally got my tattoo and let me tell you about the 'squeeze!' It was so f*cking painful, unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Not even breaking my leg in two places could compare. But, the end result, my 'juice,' was totally worth the passing-out, and the burning unadulterated pain! And I am so excited, and proud, to be wearing my brother's artwork...Indefinitely. Granted, the permanence of the tattoo hasn't fully sunk in yet, but that's neither here nor there. I've got the rest of my lifetime to think about that!

Centering

The rain. It's one of my most favorite things ever. For as long as I can remember, I have always loved the rain. The sound, the smell, the feel of it on my face...everything about it. As I sit at the computer now, listening to the rain outside, I have memories of jumping in puddles as a child to still, to this day, turning my face towards the sky to welcome and greet the drops as they fall from the heavens. It is one of nature's bounties, giving life to the Earth.

Some time ago, I gained an interest in Wicca. At the time, it was probably more of a rebellion to my Catholic School upbringing, but as I read and learned more about it, I came to realize that it is more of a way of life than a faith; faith as we understand and define today. Having a lot of respect and involvement with Native American culture, it isn't all that dissimilar in basic concepts and principles. Now-a-days, I don't really continue my study and reading in Wicca, but I still hold the basics to me dearly. It has become a source of grounding in my life that, at times, I cling to desperately. Nature is a HUGE part, if not all, of the Wicca belief system. Everything that is necessary comes from nature because that is what She has provided for us, therefore we shouldn't/don't need more than what She has provided. Maybe this is why I have always been enamored with all things "outdoorsy." Camping since I was a toddler just always seemed so natural to me, and nothing clears my mind more than a nice walk through the woods.

Whenever I feel myself unsettled, getting restless with the mundane of day-to-day, I always try to center myself by doing something in nature. Now that I live in Queens that is not always so easy to do as it once was living not even one mile from a state park. Nature is very hard for me to get myself back to these days, so I must find other natural ways to bring myself back to center. I have come to rely on the rain to provide me with what I need.

Rain. It is defined, technically, as water condensed from atmospheric vapor and falling in drops. How scientific! To Wiccans, it is defined as Life! Water is the source of life in nature. Without it, the earth, and all those that inhabit, would die. It is a necessity for biology. For me, it is a necessity to just 'be.'

People always look at me funny when I say I love the rain, for I truly do. It is the one thing that I am completely and utterly sure that I love, and have loved all my life. Some simply cannot understand how I can have that emotional attachment to what they consider just an ordinary occurrence. I don't understand how they cannot! Even with my brief stint of the on-line dating scene, I always listed "sitting and listening to the rain" as one of my 'favorite things to do.' So while people hurry from one place to another, trying to get out of the rain, battling with umbrellas, I walk casually, umbrella-free through the rain, welcoming it, soaking in my Life and bringing myself back to center.

Nerves of Steel

Today we had a HUGE meeting. It's to finalize all of the print and shipping information for the first September pub group. September through December are going to be crazy groups because we're doing these off the hook Nora Roberts promotions to coincide with her new trilogy. So, today's meeting encompassed the first book in Her trilogy along with two major sales promotions. Not only does the Sales department attend, but the NJ office is phone conferenced in and we have the Distribution people from our warehouse and printer/binder attend from PA. Yes, this meeting is a VERY big deal. I have run this meeting twice before in the past, and it's all been going really well, so I wasn't nervous to run this one either, despite the 3.3 million printing of Nora's latest. What had me nervous was all of the additional attendees at this meeting. It was the largest showing from the Sales department I had ever seen, and the VP of Sales even attended...Whoa! But it was great! I presented what I had to, and even had the informed answers to all questions posed by NJ, and the VP of Sales. I was totally on my game today! :) What a feeling!

And to add to my elation, I received a call-back interview for Monday to meet with the Director of Operations/Manufacturing. The recruiter spoke with the manager I interviewed with yesterday and had only positive things to say. So much so that the Director wants to meet with me as well! Only good things in my future as far as I can tell.

Count down to the tattooing: 3 days!

Impressions

As Monday's go, today wasn't too bad. There was a lot to do at work, still catching up from last week's short work-week. PLUS, I need to make sure I don't fall behind with my "long lunch" tomorrow since I've got a big meeting on Wednesday.

Today, I had two great phone calls from friends. Unexpected and very much enjoyed. The first was from the Cous' who had a great idea to play hookie one day next week and head for the water park! Since my planned day of hookie didn't pan out with the Boy, I've definitely been itching to take a day of frivolity. I think I forsee myself still recovering from my tattoo come Monday! ;-) And then Beth called and her never-ending love and support always seems to amaze me...not in a bad way, but in the way that it just amazes me that she still has more in her give! I try not to be a burrden of emotion to my friends, but it is always so comforting when that shoulder is so freely given with that intuitive nature. So, thanks so much girls! Love and hugs to you both!

The day ended on a great note, with a baby shower for a coworker. She's due at the end of the month, and I can't believe that she still looks fabulous, with a capital 'F.' It's always a nice end to the day with the Boss-Lady allows us to pretty much do nothing for the last hour! So, here's to great cake and sparkling cider!

Tomorrow is interview #2 with Aspen. I'm so excited and also relieved that's it's such a no-stress situation. I told Ali-girl about Friday's interviews and she was so excited for me, and that was such a relief as well. I haven't told anyone else at work yet, and I may not until if, and when, it comes down to a decision, but there is just something that feels so right about the way this is all playing out. So much so that I've done something for the first time in a long time...I talked to Grandpa.

I'm not a very religious person anymore, but I still consider myself spiritual. My grandfather passed away 11 years ago this October. It was difficult because of the nature of his death, and that we were close. He was an amazing man of many admirable attributes. Among being an amazing father and grandfather, he was an incredible, honest businessman. He was the typical "pull yourself up from the boot-straps" kind of guy, raised by a single mother. He saw the value of a hard day's work, and didn't flinch at the sweat on his brow. He made opportunities happen for himself, and followed through on his word. I went to business school, hoping that one day I can be at least half as good in business as he was. While friends of mine went to school on sports scholarships, following in their idols' path, I went to business school following mine. I truly believe that the souls of loved ones watch over us, like angels. Even though I say this whole interviewing process is stress-free, there are still major considerations that I've been thinking about. Over the weekend, I found myself thinking of Grandpa and his mind for business, and wondering what words of wisdom he would don on me if he were truly only a phone call away. Saturday night I went out with the girls and found myself rightly blasted. 5 hard ciders and 2 consecutive shots later (all in the span of maybe three hours?) I found myself happily sitting in the backseat of the car watching the world spin by. My girlfriends were saying how they felt good, and strong, and I randomly said I felt sad. I think they misunderstood where the emotion was coming from since I've been in a little turmoil lately about the Boy. The sadness was actually coming from thinking about Grandpa lately with all of this. It's been many years, I know, and it isn't as if I haven't come to terms with his death, but it's still never easy, never. And it's times like these when I could really stand to have him pull a quarter out of my ear.

Loud Knocking

Yesterday's interviews went GREAT!! I met with the recruiter, and she loved me! Absolutely loved me! And then I had the phone interview with the Corporate Recruiter who is based in Chicago, and things went swimmingly there as well. We discussed things like the work experience I have, where I am currently, do I like it at The Bird, why am looking to leave? All of those normal 'interview' questions. So, I had to confess to her that I wasn't actually actively looking to leave The Bird...I mean, why would I? I have total job security, a great group of friends I work with, and I am still learning! These are all wonderful reasons to stay...except, oh yeah, they didn't make me an Assistant Manager and still expect me to deal with all of the work-load and bull shit that my predecessor dealt with. Honestly, that would be really the only reason for me to even consider.

Well, Maria and I had a wonderful conversation about this available position. It is basically all-encompasing of what I have done in the past and what I am doing now. It's still a 'Coordinator' title, but at this company it's actually a higher level than my current 'Sr Coordinator' title. PLUS, I'll be dealing with all the legal publications and business printings. The position is very much independent. While I'd have a supervisor, she is said to NOT be a micro-manager, leaving me to run things as I would see fit. No, I wouldn't be managing anyone, but I really like the idea of being almost soley responsible for the way things will pan out...the visibility can be a double-edged sword. A) I could do a crappy job, and everyone knows its all on me, or B) I can do a wonderful, phenomenal job, and everyone knows its all on me!

Just recently, a very dear friend of mine left The Bird to go on to real estate. He left his salary and benefits to go to a commission-based job. At first I was very nervous and worried for him, because we all know the real estate market isn't what it used to be, but then I really listened to his reasons for this life-change. He wants to work in a field where his hard work is recognized and compensated for how hard he really will work! He doesn't mind putting in 10-12 hour days just so as long as it is visible and compensated in some way instead of someone just saying, 'well if you had to stay late to get it done, than so be it.'

I have come to realize that there is a lot in this world that is thankless, but there are a few things that we can control to be recognized for our hard work. Like my friend, I have never feared hard work and putting in the hours. Working in the floral business for 7 years has taught me 18 hours days, or even some 36 hour over-nighters. But never once did I regret working those hours because my boss ALWAYS showed his appreciation for the hard work and passion I put into it. I loved it, and he fostered that passion by just simply saying 'thank you' or 'wow, I couldn't have done this without you.'

So, the fact that I could be facing a double-edged sword does not scare me. For those who know, I love a challenge, and often rise to the occassion to meet one face on. To do a little patting of my own back, I have only ever excelled and thrived wherever I have been in the working-world. Most of my life will be spent at my place of employment, so I plan on making the most of it, doing the best job that I damn well can, otherwise, what is the point?

One thing that both the recruiter and Corporate Recruiter pointed out was that even though I had the preferred publishing background (which they were SO enthusiastic about), I don't have that many years in the industry. I'm still a little green, as some would say. I understand that they are not able to discriminate according to age, because I am often younger than some expect, but that doesn't mean they can't use the 'not enough experience' as a reason. So, I simply countered by saying, 'yes, but look how far I have come in such a short amount of time.' I have been at The Bird for fewer years then many in my department, both those that are still there and others that have left, and I have surpassed many in responsibilities and title because I am NOT happy to just do the day-to-day to get by, thinking that someday I'll be promoted soley on my years put in and not my work ethic. Laziness in the work place is all well and good if you're just content to be lazy. But for those that are lazy AND feel that much is owed to them, I do not have patience or understanding for.

So, getting back to it, all in all, I couldn't have asked for a better Friday. And by 5 pm yesterday, I already had my call-back. I'm interviewing with the hiring manager in HR with the NY office on Tuesday, so I'm pretty psyched! I already have my suit picked out and everything. I do admit that the hard part of all of this, though, is the possibility that i will be leaving The Bird, which really means I'll be leaving Ali-girl and Rockstar, two wonderful and beautiful people that have helped me develope the skills and lessons of 'Corporate America' to survive and thrive. I know they will be nothing but supportive and excited to see me do well, but it's still sad to think that I'll be leaving what is familiar and warm.

In the words of one genius out there, "Quit your bitching...Start a revolution!"

When a Door Closes...

A window of opportunity has definitely thrown itself wide open for me. Today, I have an interview! And not just any interview, an AMAZING, kick-ass interview.

As many know, I like to peruse Hot Jobs and other career postings just for fun. It never hurts to see what else is out there, because most times you need to put yourself in the position for that opportunity to come knocking...or barreling in, kicking down the door, or whatever! Lately, I've been looking extra hard, but for two friends of mine that are hunting. As my searching continues, I realize that I posted my resume on two different sites, but almost two years ago. Hello! Let's update that, baby! So, I did, and the next morning I received a phone call at 8:30 am from a very reputable recruiter. It seems the position she is recruiting to be filled is everything I've done in the past, plus it incorporates what I'm doing now at The Bird regarding first printings and whatnot.

The thing I am most excited about is that the publishing company deals primarily with legal publications. I took this as a sign that maybe I should get myself back onto my path, heading towards law school. I truly believe in signs, so I am going on this interview and giving it my all. And did I mention that the salary is almost $10,000 more than what I am making now?!?!?!

He's Just Not That Into You

There's a book out there that breaks it down for us ladies, on whether a guy is really interested, or just looking for his next lay for as long as he can get it. Personally, I have not read this book. Many friends of mine have, and all say it's very enlightening, but up until now I thought I always had a good sense of knowing. Past relationships have taught me a lot, and I mean A LOT!!! But I guess there's always still more to learn.

As of lately, I thought I was doing pretty well. But as of last night, I think I'll be picking up that book and reading front to back, and taking notes! Highlighter anyone?