The People You Meet Along the Way

Day two of my business trip to the Maryland office. I spent the whole morning training, and it was great. I understood what was being said to me, and caught on lickity-split! I just don't want to forget everything by the time I actually take over these responsibilities come July. Yes, a long way away, but I am taking diligent notes.

I actually just got back from lunch with my boss and my three co-workers from this office down here. My boss's boss is down here for the day as well, so I think dinner tonight will be with him and the boss. But drinks afterwards with Bo is on the agenda.

Let me tell you a little bit about Bo!

Bo works out in the warehouse and drives one of the fork-lifts. That in it of itself would normally be plenty for me! I mean, c'mon! What a cool freaking job!! But the fact of the matter is that Bo actually used to be in charge of the warehouse and shipping/distribution operations. No, he didn't get demoted. He almost died.

Two years ago, Bo needed back surgery. While it wasn't classified as a risky procedure, it was still considered serious, as anything involving your back and surgery should be. But while in the hospital and recovering, he got a staph infection and nearly died. Doctors weren't even sure if he was going to be able to walk again since the infection reached his spine. After a year of sabbatical and in and out of the hospital, Bo is alive and well, if not for a slight limp. His decision to resign as the Head Honcho was contingent on his being allowed to stay on and drive the fork-lift, since it was always something he wanted to do. He now works for life instead of lives for work. He cherishes his wife and family like no other man I've met and it is reassuring that there really are good men out there like Bo.

I first met Bo on my first trip down here last December. The trip was brief because I was stuck on a plane for 6 hours and by the time I actually made it to Maryland, we pretty much just turned around and went home. But in the brief encounter I had with this man, there was a level of understanding that was forged between us and a genuine liking for each other.

When I got down here yesterday and saw him, he gave me a big ol' bear hug! It was the nicest welcome I think I have ever received anywhere! And with Bo being a big guy (at least 6'2" and 225lbs), it is an easy thing to feel the sense of security and warmth when he wraps his arms around you. He tells you like it is, he is reliable for up-to-the-moment information in the warehouse, has one of the most magnetic personalities I know, and he has the most honest smile I think I have ever seen. It is most difficult to not be enamoured! :)

As he took me through the warehouse showing me some things I needed to see, we discussed the issues that needed to be addressed between our company and our sister company in Chicago. The conversation was easy, jokes were humorous, and his confidence in my abilities to get the job done was evident, very much appreciated and greatly confidence boosting. If Bo tells you that you're doing a good job, you're doing a GREAT job. Praise doesn't come easily from him, and his word is gospel around here.

When he asked how long I was going to be in town for and I said Friday, he immediately said, "We'll go for drinks tomorrow night." It wasn't a question, just a matter of fact, as if it were planned all along. So I am looking forward to this evening for drinks with Bo. My boss will probably be there, too, but I don't even mind. It is absolutely impossible to not be smiling in Bo's presence and that is exactly what I need right now.

It really is the people you meet along the way in life. You don't have to know them for very long for them to change something in you. You just need to let them in a little bit, and let them work their wonders!

This and That

Yesterday's trip to Maryland was great. I finally got there this time, having taken Amtrak instead of attempting to fly again. The trip was smooth and enjoyable, and we were at the office no later than 11am. I made the rounds again, reacquainting myself with those I briefly met last time, and meeting some new faces, too. Even dinner last night was great, where I got to go to dinner with 3 'big-wigs' as I like to say, getting myself recognized so when the time does come, it can be said, "Oh yeah, I know Carolyn...She's great!"

The day itself was productive, and today promises to be even more so. Shellie, one of the girls down here who works on inventory for a whole different product line than my own, will be on maternity leave at the end of the summer, overlapping my boss's maternity leave. So, this trip is jammed packed filled with training on her tasks and responsibilities that I will be taking over for a few short months...hopefully. I'm not nervous about taking on more, even though it is only temporary. It's good for me to learn as much as I can about the company and all of its products. Knowledge is power, right?

Yesterday was filled with some fun, too. Having found a computer for myself to work on, I was able to email with my friend back in the NYC office like usual. My first email was "miss me? :)" And his back was, "Of Course. You look great today, btw." Totally obscure, but making me feel good nonetheless. Which, later on in the day, I really needed to help me get through life-test part two.

Since I was out and about in the warehouse talking with the managers about some problems we've been having, I wasn't chained to my desk and computer (thank god!). When I finally made it back to my computer, there were quite a few emails to catch up on...including one from The Boy. I guess "leave me alone" translates to "keep emailing me. really, I don't mind the way it makes me feel inside." And all it simply said was "hi again."

I was so angry, I couldn't even speak. FUMING actually. Thank goodness the hotel has a fitness center, and I was able to run off my anger in 3 miles last night. I felt a bit more settled as I went to bed, reading my book for a bit, but sleep was horrendous. When I could finally calm my mind enough for sleep to take over, The Boy then invaded my dreams. Too upsetting to get into now, but he better hope we never have a Coming to Jesus moment because now he's disrupting my living. SO not appreciated. I am at least glad that I am feeling anger than anything else. That is the one emotion I can at least work with and let it help guide me in getting through this, hopefully once and for all.

Screaming Infidelities

"Steve" and I have been chatting again lately. We go through bouts where life is so busy, we might not talk for a few weeks, but then we'll talk almost every day other times of the month. I've caught him up on the latest bit of drama that happened last week with The Boy. It was nice that for once I was the one venting and having issues, and he was the one listening and consoling. It reminded me of why I care for him so much and so deeply. He's got a way that I just can't help but love.

Friday night we chatted while I was driving out to Long Island and he was in Rhode Island for a convention. He was telling me of everything he was looking at as he was strolling down the high street in Providence. The people walking to and from dinner, the window shoppers, and even the elderly couple that was walking hand in hand. He described every little detail I could see it so clearly with my mind's eye as if I were really there, and he continued by saying how he wished I were there to share the gorgeous night with him, walking under the stars. It was so incredibly sweet and romantic. Then the usual split personality of emotions set in...the longing for something so long desired, but also the regret of knowing it wasn't going to happen.

Even if at this point "Steve" were to break up with his girlfriend, I'm not sure I could be with him. I know he is so confused of what he wants, its written plain as day in his eyes every time I see him. And I would have to be 100% sure that the break up would have happened because they failed and not because he wants to be with me. But even if I knew that, I still don't know if I could do it with a clear conscience, knowing that our interaction might have been any slight root of his failed relationship.

On the other hand, he's the one calling me and being all romantic with me instead of his girlfriend. Is that enough evidence that he cares for me? Would rather be with me? Thinks of me on those lonely nights instead of her?

Though nothing physical has happened between "Steve" and I since they have been dating, sometimes I feel like our conversations and time spent together are more intimate than anything physical we could ever share, or even more than what I know they share. Is it not considered cheating because we haven't physically acted upon anything? Or is the mere intent and interest in one another on such an intimate emotional and psychological level more cause to wear that scarlet letter of infidelity than anything physical could ever evidence?

Making the Grade

As a student I have always been a very good test taker. Except for taking the LSAT's, I've never been nervous about sitting at a desk for a prolonged period of standardized agony. But sometimes there are other tests, tests in life, that aren't always so easy to pass. Even when presented with these tests and challenges, one's nerve can slip and it's all downhill from there. These types of tests I haven't always been good at taking...and therefore not always passing. These are the types of tests I usually find myself starring at life choice (a) or life choice (b) and then wincing as I fill in the proverbial scantron with my answer, praying and hoping that it's the right choice.

Life is so great right now, I can't even express! I'm finally learning how to be happy for myself, by myself without the need or reliance on another person. So of course when things are on the up-and-up, and my guard is down, I am presented with a test. A situation to test my ability in either choosing (a) or (b) and to know the right answer and pass.

Yesterday afternoon, I received an email from somebody I literally thought I would never hear from again. The Boy. The Boy that I dated for most of last year, an 8 month relationship that just ended because things went sour and I never heard from him again. There was never an explanation. No break-up talk. Just one last "Merry Christmas, babe" text message and then nothing.

Until yesterday.

The culprit email simply said: "hi"

As I starred at my computer screen in horror, not knowing how I should feel, my fingers took on a life of their own and replied with three simple characters: hi?

Thus ensued a very short email conversation that ended with me responding to his 'I guess I kinda miss you' with "Well you have nobody to blame for that but yourself. You really hurt me. Please just leave me alone."

This was followed up by a thirty minute conversation with my sister, lots of "what the fucks?" in my head, and finally a thirty minute walk outside in the gorgeous weather to clear my mind and aching heart.

At first I thought I was so upset because I still had strong feelings for him, and that just made me angry because why should I. He certainly didn't deserve any from me. Once I settled a bit and really thought about it, I was glad to discover that while I still feel a little something, it's more of a feeling of wanting companionship and the not knowing what had happened to end 'us' those three months ago. I was more angry than sad because he had interrupted my happiness with this situation of ugliness. How dare he?! After all this time, if he really missed me and wanted to try another go at us, he should have called or just showed up as my good friend Kevin advised. Kevin and I decided that this was probably all a lame attempt at a booty call, and thus ensuring that The Boy will NEVER again be a part of my life!

I woke up this morning feel so great that I was able to find some closure within myself and to know with certainty that I don't need him. Talk about your Spring Cleaning!

A Bright, Right Day!

The weekend was great, and celebrating St. Paddy's Day in NYC was amazing. I went in with the Roommate, Wangie, and Tiffany to meet up with my dad and a bunch of his friends and their kids. Yes, this group included some fireman!! WooHoo! And later on in the day, my brother and his gal were able to meet up with us as well.

The morning started with literally chiseling my car out from under the two inches of ice, and then spending another 20 minutes trying to actually move my car from the spot on the street. Roommie and I miss our first train at 8:40am, and had to wait another hour for the next one. When we were finally on board the good 'ole L.I.R.R., we did a little bit of gawking and drooling of the fine looking men in kilts and other such handsome fellas in uniform. I swear, this holiday is almost as good as Fleet Week!

When we finally got into NYC, we met up with my dad's group for breakfast...and then off to the first bar at 10:30am!

We were slowly making our way from the West Side to the East Side, in hopes of actually seeing some of the parade, but we only caught glimpses of it on the television screens in the bars along the way. It seems like there were a lot more necessary "watering hole" stops along the way than we thought there was going to be.

Suffering from frozen, wet feet the only solution was to drink more in hopes of them just going numb and not feeling it anymore! This worked to some degree, but it also helped that we did spend 95% of our day indoors!

It was a great day, and I was glad to spend it with close friends and family! I met some really great, fantastic people that I was able to have a real, nice simple good time with. Nobody got really messy, and my dad and brother were able to share a nice scotch together, which is always nice to see.

We were home by 9pm, and recovery the next day wasn't too bad at all! Yesterday, after driving Wangie home, I headed out to my parents for the late afternoon and the traditional dinner of Corned Beef, cabbage, carrots and red potatoes!

God bless my mother that is constantly sending me home with left-overs!

Beware the Ides of March

Sophomore year of High School, I was placed into "Honors Social Studies II." Many thought this was great, especially my parents, but they didn't know that I was now to be subject to an entire school year under the tutelage of Mr. Grasso; the up-tight, no-nonsense, tight-wad of a teacher...or so was my opinion of the man prior to ever having had his instruction.

As the year passed, it was very apparent that this man's one and only passion was history, and his constant support of Great Britain over France in all of the historical conflicts as if we weren't yet aware of who came out on top, actually made learning fun. There were definitely the dull days, but other days were filled with heated debates and historical re-enactments!

As a general feeling, I find history fascinating. I don't remember a heck of a lot of it, but the one thing I definitely remember was walking into class on March 15th, not noticing Mr. Grasso at first because he was in the back of the classroom. Finally when we were all seated and settled he got up and walked very slowly towards the front of the classroom. By the time he reached the head of the classroom, you could hear a pin drop with everyone wondering what was going to happen.

Then, in a loud and booming voice (very out of character for him) he cried:

"Beware the Ides of March!"

None of us knew what he was talking about! We thought perhaps he fell and hit his head?! My classmates and I were giving each other looks, wondering if we were supposed to know the meaning behind that statement. A good minute passed before he continued to orate a part of Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar," and continued to explain the importance of the day and how it shaped Roman history. It was one of the best days in his class. I couldn't really say why, but after that day, I became extremely interested in Roman history and mythology. It's probably the only thing I have retained from his educating, but it is still greatly appreciated.

Friendship 101

What I've come to realize lately that's going to have my friends scratching their heads: I don't want to date.

Seriously. I've thought about it for a while now, and I don't want to date...for a while anyway. Maybe it was the being put-off by Shirt Guy, or Photo Booth Guy just dropping off the face of the earth, or just the countless times I have deplorably felt ruled by emotions that are directly connected to one jerk of a guy or another. Most likely a culmination of it all, but I've had enough of it lately. I have pulled myself up from under the rock I consistently found myself being shoved under by lurid circumstances, and why would I throw myself back down there?! I'm not that much of a glutton for punishment.

So what lesson and growth experience do I hope to learn and gain?! I want to learn to be a friend, and what it means to be a friend without looking for something other than that friendship. I want to achieve this so I can come to an awareness within myself where I can be happy with whatever type of relationship I may have with someone of the opposite sex without hoping or wanting more. Because if I can't be a good friend first, how can I ever hope to understand what it means to be in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship if and when that time comes?!

Inspired Quote

"Never make someone a priority who is only willing to make you an option."

- Rhi

The Weekend Review

Pardon the long absence. I've been sick. I thought it was just a cold at first, until my voice decided to take a vacation as well. But, now I'm back and breathing pretty clearly out of both nostrils, oh happy day!

So, what you've missed:

I went on the date last Tuesday night. We didn't end up having time for dinner, but he bought me a pretzel and a pizza at the game. The game was a lot of fun, with the disappointing miss on the last free throw by the Knicks. But it was fun, with high energy. After the game, we went back to the bar where we first met up. Ice cream didn't happen, which was disappointing, and the entire time he talked. And talked, and talked, and talked. About what?! I couldn't tell you! It was gibberish that I found myself tuning out and watching the hockey game on the TV behind him instead. Maybe a little rude (ok, a lot rude), but I just wasn't feeling it. Never once did he ask me anything about myself and when I tried to offer into the conversation, I was always interrupted and pretty much talked at. I realized it wasn't a conversation at all, but a monologue of his daily woes. He tried to pay me a compliment by saying, "you just seem so happy, you really balance me out," but this was possibly the worst thing he could have said.

Yes, I am happy. And when I agreed with him about that, I realized that I believed it of myself too, which is the most important thing! And the trail of thought that followed was that I've finally found myself in a great place...do I want to surround myself with people that have the potential of bringing me down? And then for the second part of that comment. First off, I don't want to be with someone who isn't whole by themselves and who need to rely on someone else to make them feel "complete." I never did buy into the Jerry MaGuire saying of "You complete me." It seems like such a cop-out to explain away your own short-comings. And secondly, even if I found that to be a compliment, how could he know after spending mere hours with me that I am his 'other half?' At least I'm getting better and not just clinging to the attention. I'm aware of what I don't want and am able to make that conscious decision to do something about it! Yay for progress!

So, feeling turned off, I tried to make the best of all the countless phone calls and text messages I received in the next few days. Luckily, I came down with a really bad case of laryngitis and couldn't talk to anyone. It's sad when I look at being sick as a blessing, but I guess there really is a silver lining to everything. And yes, I really was sick. Having lost my voice and going through a downward spiral as the week progressed, I ended up taking a sick day on Friday and just sleeping and resting up.

The rest of the weekend involved spending good time with the girls on Saturday, and restocking my supplies for my jewelry business on Sunday. I went a little crazy, but the store was having a sale and ideas were just bouncing around in my head. I've got lots of cool stuff to work with now, and my brother tells me that he started designing my very own font for my website! How Cool!!

And now we're back to Monday, where I have Saturday to look forward to. Ahhh, good 'ole St. Paddy's Day!

Shirt Guy

Yup, I've nicknamed the new one...and how can I not with how he started this whole thing rolling?

I have a date tonight with Shirt Guy! He's taking me to the Knick's game, with dinner before, and ice-cream afterwards...the ice-cream was my only demand on the evening and he was incredibly happy to oblige. I'm very excited. We're going with a group of his friends (even better!), and he even made the observation that being the game is at Madison Square Garden, it'll be super easy for me to just go downstairs and catch my train home, which is a great revelation that he doesn't expect anything more than my good company at a b-ball game, and maybe a kiss good night! How Wonderful!?!

Lovely Clavicles

Best pick-up line ever for a guy to use on a girl who happens to be wearing a turtle-neck:

"I think I'll buy you a shirt that shows off your gorgeous neck instead of hiding it."

Then actually going out, scouring the streets of NYC at 8:55pm for a clothing store that is still open and buying a new shirt that will indeed show off her neck instead of hiding it...

...And now I have a date tomorrow night! :)

Nirvana

God bless Starbucks for making the perfect hot chocolate with whipped cream! :)

Rosey Toes

I absolutely LOVE the rain! I was just telling a friend earlier this morning that I must have been living a past life in Seattle or London...I'm more inclined to think London only because the notion would be more romantic!

So, yeah, LOVE the rain, but my nearest and dearest already know that. Every time it rains like it is today ( a good steady down-pour) I feel the need to sing the songs from Singing In The Rain, my all-time favorite musical ever! C'mon girls, who doesn't love Gene Kelly?! Moses supposes his toes aren't roses?!

I'm definitely in my happy place right now, and it doesn't even include a midget on a bicycle! The only thing that would make it nirvana would be a hot chocolate with whipped cream...

Commuter-Pane

Every morning I take the LIRR to NYC. As a seasoned commuter I have honed many talents. I can now fall asleep anywhere/anytime. I have learned to pick out creepy commuters and know how to avoid eye contact like the dickens. I can read my book while listening to Nano and tapping my foot to the beat, pass my train ticket to the conductor all while balancing a cup of coffee on my knee. These, and countless other abilities are key signs of people that have been commuting for quite some time and know the ways of a commuter as if we've written a book about it.

But one thing I do that is not a-typical of a commuter is that some mornings all I want to do is just stare out the window and watch the world go by. I never tire of watching my surroundings. I am still the type of person that gets out of the subway and looks up! What a concept! But it is so great to me, every day, to see the world like I am seeing it for the first time. And every day, I discover something completely new, which is such a great pay-off! In my opinion, New Yorkers don't look up nearly enough. They characterize that action as something a tourist would do. So, let me be a tourist in this great city I call home, because I can live here for the rest of my life and still discover something completely new and different every single day!

Today, while I was staring out of the window of the train this morning, trying not to seem like I was staring at other commuters, my eyes came to rest on the four red and white striped smoke-stacks of a power plant in Queens. I know this power plant quite well because my dad deals with it as part of his job. For years and years growing up, I would hear stories of all the different projects he had going on in this power plant to update it, make it more efficient, fix whatever gets busted, etc. I pass by this power plant on the train every morning, so what makes this morning any different? This morning is the first time I have actually noticed emissions from one of the stacks! I know it has been functional for years, but I have never seen it in action, so to speak. And it may seem like such a silly little thing, but this power plant is pivotal in the energy provided to most of Queens and parts of Brooklyn. As the train passed by and I stared at those emissions, my heart swelled with pride as I thought to myself my dad helped make that possible!